So much anger, where will it go?

My last stand-up attempt was a fuckin’ failure. I was proud to at least get the jokes out, but they all fizzled.

Afterward one guy who sometimes-MCs said, “Good job staying in there.” He then proceeded to tell me about a series of comedy workshops. I didn’t bother asking if he had a monetary stake in the thing. I really don’t know him, so I don’t know his intent.  Why even give a damn, everyone is only thinking of themselves 99% of the time.

I don’t mean to be a jerk to other comics (by not smiling and trying to ‘reach out’ and make small talk) but the whole reason anyone does comedy is because they’re fucked-up (minus Seinfeld) and/or ‘see the world differently’. That’s not a license to be rude, and though I like to imagine I avoid rudeness and overt ill-will, my general hatred of people leaks out, a poisonous aura hurting those I’m attempting to make laugh, which of course breeds failure.

A gift unused is a curse; right now I’m attempting to use my “gift” and it’s still a curse.

Though I don’t make it obvious except around here, I’m a violently angry person…where can I get rid of this poison?

That’s a rhetorical question; don’t answer it.