1.How old will you be in 3 birthdays?
It’s not the years in your life, it’s the life in your years! (If gay, change “years” to “queers”).
2. Do you think you’ll be married by then?
Not unless she’s 99, owns half of Florida, has a heart condition yet loves to hear me CRASH my cymbals.
3. What do you look forward to most in the next 2 months?
Being thinner or dead.
4. Who was the last person you called?
Lassie.
5. Have you ever played a team sport?
Yes. Masturbation.
6. Who was the last person to text you?
A ‘roid user, dumber than me but he gets laid more. To hell with him.
7. Who was the last person you hugged?
My dick.
8. What were you doing at midnight last night?
This.
9. What happened at 11:00 a.m. today?
The Universe exploded and reassembled and no one noticed.
10. How many states have you visited?
State of drunkeness, state of rage, state of confusion, state your intentions and never ask her to state her age.
11. If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?
In Tallahasee, cashing in a winning lottery ticket.
12. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
Bare socks.
13. When was the last time you cried?
I cried wolf 3 weeks ago, cried havoc and let slip the dogs of war last week, and have never seen The Crying Game.
14. What was the last thing you drank?
Liquid water.
15. Favorite ice cream?
The next one.
16. What is your favorite number?
Blue.
17. Whats your favorite colour?
13.
18. What Jelly do you put on your PBJ?
Depending on where I put it, grape or KY.
19. Do you like coffee?
Sure. I also like big tits, but not in the coffee, though the tits can squirt milk now and then and milk is good in coffee.
20. How many glasses of water a day do you drink on average?
I don’t wear glasses.
21. What do you drink in the morning?
Diet Mountain Piss.
22. Would you rather kiss someone with or without a tongue ring?
Is my penis already inside her?
23. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
Yeah, on the outside. <– that is (also) a perfect answer!!
24. Do you know how to play poker?
Liquor in the front, poker in the rear. Alternate: “No, but if you hum the tune I might remember it”.
25. Whats so good about Fridays?
Nothing any more.
26. Any plans for this week?
Work a shit job to make someone else rich. Continue being a nigger @ work and coward @ the game of life.
27. Do you eat out or at home more often?
Both.
28. How big is your TV?
How deep is your love?
29. Ever stolen a street sign?
There’s a “Neighborhood Watch” sign in the closet.
30. Do you keep a piggy bank?
It got burned in a fire…now it’s a bacon bank.
31. What kind of camera do you have?
I have a picture of a camera.
32. Have you ever been in an ambulance?
No. Ambulance Armstrong: that’s a weird name.
33. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
A shot glass.
34. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
I prefer the wing seat…lots of airflow.
35. Do you know how to drive a stick shift?
You mean masturbate? sure.
