Archive for October 22nd, 2007

Everyone’s a victim of heartbreak, especially…Hugh Hefner –> ‘ <– teardrop of pity

Monday, 22 October 2007

Hugh Fucking Hefner, 81, next to Buddha and Christ, is the only man I don’t like because I’m not him. It seems odd that one man alone should have been the first to combine cameras with naked women and that years later, as the sewer of raunch continues to overflow like an anti-antidiluvian avalanche (<–makes no sense but sounds cool) Playboy continues to sell.

No, I don’t like Hef, and not because he experimented with The Gay in the 70s.

Mostly it’s plain old envy.

A bank of 6 or 7 televisions across the front of the gym’s treadmill farm brings We the Damned all the food commercials we can eat. In between the commercials are shows, spanning several pre-set channels.

One was a docu about Hefner. He talked about his accountant father who was “uncomfortable” with affection. The next time I looked up from magazines and over from other TVs, a litany of blondes was explaining how heartbroken Hef was as a young teen when a girl 2 years his senior didn’t return his crush.

The many Playmates seemed truly devastated for Young Hef’s loss, fake titties weeping silicone, and lo, they’d even managed to find the Crush herself and interview her…in two words: oblivious grandma.

It takes a lot of nerve to be Hugh Hefner and complain via pussy-proxy about having your heart broken over half a century ago.

I don’t have a cavalcade of cuties to explain my trouble with the ladies. I have to type it myself.

Everyone’s a fucking victim, even Hugh Hefner.

Boo hoo. Boo Hef. Have a teardrop of pity ‘ or 12 ”””””” <–that’s less than a dollar per drop! A 66% savings off the cover price!

Gore-bull warming: be not afraid

Monday, 22 October 2007

My beliefs: global warming isn’t man-made. We’re long overdue for another Ice Age.

As Botkin the brilliant scientist says: My concern is that we may be moving away from an irrational lack of concern about climate change to an equally irrational panic about it.

People who hate religion still seem to want to fear something.  The Devil’s flames won’t do, but how about the earth’s temp rising one degree in 100 years?  Noooooooooo! 

Global Warming Delusions:
The popular imagination has been captured by beliefs that have little scientific basis.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Water Trivia

Monday, 22 October 2007

Let it not be said by my several readers I don’t provide valuable trivia.

Some fun facts about water, gleaned from the Operator’s Companion by USABluebook (2002).

* It requires approximately 4 gallons of water to process a pound of hamburger.

* It takes 1,500 gallons of water to make one barrel of beer.

* About 39,000 gallons of water are used to manufacture a new car.

* There are about 17 million households in the U.S. that use water from private wells.

* An average residence in the U.S. uses 107,000 gallons per year.

* The average daily cost of public water supply is 25 cents per person.

* Of all the earth’s water, 97% is in the oceans, 2% is frozen, and 1% is suitable for drinking water.

* A human can survive for about a month without food, but can live only about a week without water.

Doris Lessing: recipient of the dumb fucking cunt award

Monday, 22 October 2007

Lessing is an old (moon)bat nobody reads, yet I still find myself infuriated by her utter stupidity.

Unfortunately she’s not alone in her view that 9-11 was no big deal.

Like all elitist figs, she has an answer for everything. George (W.) Bush is “a member of a social class which has profited from wars.”

That, of course, explains why there are wars.

No wonder she’s an award winner!

Another reason turdpress will never be shitspace

Monday, 22 October 2007

I’ve spent the last 15 FUCKING minutes trying to add a FUCKING blogroll to the FUCKING blog.  It refuses to show the FUCKING thing even though the FUCKING links claim to be FUCKING added and I DON’T want to add FUCKING blogroll to the FUCKING categories list (though it’s too FUCKING late for that now).

Yet another reason why this FUCKING turdpress will never be as big as shitspace, where most functions are intuitive.

I wrote porn scripts in which people happen to have sex

Monday, 22 October 2007

You could write porn scripts dude!  —Motel Todd, referring to this.

In the late 90s I did get paid a partial sum for helping to rewrite a porn script.  Once.  And for a time I foolishly did think writing “art film” scripts was my way In.  But c’mon…the closed-circle porn community has their own 3 or 4 hacks they always use:  why hire new for a job anyone can do?  Use the doofs you have. 

And they did.

I visited Jawn-Luke, a minor porn director, to discuss writing an original script based on a Highlander-type character (he LOVED the title:  EXXXcelsior).

The meeting took place in those halcyon months before “Phantom Menace” premiered, when no one yet knew how badly it would suck.  Jawn-Luke was stoked about seeing the new Star Wars and so was I, but of the two of us in his living room, only one thought X-rated gigs were stepping stones to becoming the next Spielberg; all porn directors seemed to share this delusion, maybe because Francis Coppola made the jump to legit-speed from porn. 

My favorite all-time quote from these directorial dweebs, one they must have passed around more than the latest Asian butt-slut off the boat:  We don’t make ‘fuck films’, we tell stories in which people HAPPEN to have sex.”  Oh yes.  They truly believe this.

As for our business, Jawn-Luke seemed earnest but clueless about what he wanted.  He was reading too much into these things; it was because of him I finally saw the excellent Casablanca as well as a turd called The Last Tycoon, based on an unfinished F. Scott Fitzgerald novel.

I left Jawn-Luke’s house–no opulent mansion but a paid-for house nonetheless in LA, quite an achievement–more jealous than anything.   I finally decided he was a callow fool who didn’t deserve his meager credit, though I never intended to keep his lent personal copy of Highlander 2. 

No, Todd, there’s no money in writing scripts for pornographers.  The explosion of “gonzo” porn is further evidence linear porn storytelling is no longer the dominant form.

My deep-seated resentment of pornographers remains, though I use their product and will continue to do so.

Quoticle – I’ll let you know what I think when I experience some myself, Archie

Monday, 22 October 2007

No more deadly curse has ever been given by nature to man than carnal pleasure. There is no criminal purpose and no evil deed which the lust for pleasure will not drive a man to undertake.

~ Architas of Tarentum, C. 400-350 BC