Everyone’s a victim of heartbreak, especially…Hugh Hefner –> ‘ <– teardrop of pity

Hugh Fucking Hefner, 81, next to Buddha and Christ, is the only man I don’t like because I’m not him. It seems odd that one man alone should have been the first to combine cameras with naked women and that years later, as the sewer of raunch continues to overflow like an anti-antidiluvian avalanche (<–makes no sense but sounds cool) Playboy continues to sell.

No, I don’t like Hef, and not because he experimented with The Gay in the 70s.

Mostly it’s plain old envy.

A bank of 6 or 7 televisions across the front of the gym’s treadmill farm brings We the Damned all the food commercials we can eat. In between the commercials are shows, spanning several pre-set channels.

One was a docu about Hefner. He talked about his accountant father who was “uncomfortable” with affection. The next time I looked up from magazines and over from other TVs, a litany of blondes was explaining how heartbroken Hef was as a young teen when a girl 2 years his senior didn’t return his crush.

The many Playmates seemed truly devastated for Young Hef’s loss, fake titties weeping silicone, and lo, they’d even managed to find the Crush herself and interview her…in two words: oblivious grandma.

It takes a lot of nerve to be Hugh Hefner and complain via pussy-proxy about having your heart broken over half a century ago.

I don’t have a cavalcade of cuties to explain my trouble with the ladies. I have to type it myself.

Everyone’s a fucking victim, even Hugh Hefner.

Boo hoo. Boo Hef. Have a teardrop of pity ‘ or 12 ”””””” <–that’s less than a dollar per drop! A 66% savings off the cover price!

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