1. What is a question that people always ask you?
Certainly not this one, because it’s dumb as shit.
2. What is the 6th text in your inbox?
Nigerians need money.
3. What’s the last thing you said to someone & to who?
A friend. “Later.”
5. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
work.
6. Have you ever called 000?
Never heard of him.
7. Do you own an iPod?
yes
8. Do any of your friends have children?
some do. poor fools.
9. What CD is currently in your CD player?
see 7
10. Do you prefer regular or chocolate milk?
each at different times.
11. Has anyone told you a secret this week?
Yes but I forgot it.
12.When was the last time you had Starbucks?
About a month ago.
13. Can you whistle?
yes.
14. Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
I’d like to “pierce” a few broads at work. With my penis.
15. Do you get along better with men or women?
Neither. But men fear me less.
16. Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
We all sleep on all three ‘sides’ through out the night. I mostly fall asleep by taking Vicodin.
17. What are you listening to?
the clatter of the computer keyboard
18. What does it remind you of?
the clatter of the computer keyboard
19. Which of your friends lives closest to you?
“Egg” lives 10 miles or so away, but the distance is 1000s of years of work, family, obligation so I only see him once a week for a handful of hours.
20. What did you do yesterday?
work
21. What big concerts are you looking forward to?
none. I hate live music.
22. What’s bothering you right now?
Everything.
23. Next vacation you’re going on?
Death.
24. Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
I’ve never eaten butterflies.
25. What did you dream last night?
A pregnant woman at work was topless and trying to do push-ups. I stopped her.
26. Does your phone ring in the middle of the night often?
never, it’s off 99% of the time.
27. What gets in your way of your sleeping?
having to wake up.
29. What is something you’ve learned about yourself recently?
I can’t go on like this.
30. Do you like anyone?
of course.
31. Do you know anyone who’s married?
Of course.
32. What’s your favorite number?
Why play favorites? Whatever numbers win the Lotto.
33. Who was the last person to make you cry?
Mr. Onion.
34. What are you doing?
this (duh)
35. When was the last time you cried?
I only cry on the inside, and that’s timeless.
36. What is one thing you miss about your past?
the chance to do it all over. The Replacements sing it as “One more chance to do it all wrong.”
37. Are you jealous of anyone?
yes. the dead and the rich. in that order.
38. Is anyone jealous of you?
only idiots.
39. Has anyone recently told you that they like you?
fuck no.
40. Who was the last person you drove with?
the old man.
41. What are you looking forward to?
death and sleep. in that order.
42. How are you today?
miserable, minus those times I ate Twisted Frostys from Wendy’s with m&ms.
