Purloined, Modded Survey

A “Biography” of “your Life”:

What is today’s date?: Look in the lower right-hand corner of your screen, or your cellphone.

What is the time right now? See above

~First things first~

Are you Single? yes


How long have you been in a relationship? never
Are you happy? never
Are you attached or playing the field? off the field

The Past:

How many Girl/boy friends have you had? Zer0.

number of girls that were more than just a fling: Zer0

Do you want to get married? Zer0

What about kids… Do you want any? For what purpose?


Name of Elementary School: Bardmoor

Name of middle school: Pinellas Park

Name of High School: Dixie Hollins

— Were you a Jock/prep/outcast/loner/Goth/etc?

loner hybrid. I acted in school plays but talked to few.

— What did you despise about this school?

All. No school should take it personally, they all fail miserably.


Do you live in a broken family? Define broken. I mean, if an unwed skank can shit out a maggot and get a check from the government, but we’re not honest enough to call the check “Bastard bucks” then I’ll be damned if divorced parents are “broken”.

How many siblings do you have? 2 now. We needed Timmy for food when our plane crashed in the Alps.

— Step Siblings? No.

— Half Siblings? No one in wheelchairs, so no quadblings either.

— Step Parents? No.

Do you have daily traditions? Breathing.

— What about holiday traditions? We eat Turkey on Thanksgiving.

What is your mom’s name? Moonbeam
What is your Dad’s name? Elvis


What is your earliest memory? Taking this survey.
What is your favorite memory? That time I answered a survey sarcastically.
Have you gone to any concerts? Your Briss.
— Where was it?
— Who did you see? Who are you, the Ticketmaster?

Where was your first vacation? The grave.
Where have you gone on vacations? The Psych ward
What was your favorite vacation? Any time spent away from people is a vacation.

~Your Future~

Do you want to live in a city? Most people do.
How about somewhere rural? If the internet was in caves, sure.
How about somewhere in between? Like living in a city park?
Do you have someplace in mind? Yes.
— What is it?: What’s what?
The someplace in mind? Beverly Shits
What occupation would you like to have? Lottery winner.
— Do you think you will ever obtain this objective? Yes. When I die.

~Political Aspects~

Do you vote?: yes
Do you take an interest in your government? Why do you think I’m so angry.
Do you watch/read the news? Why do you think I’m so angry.
Are you a Republican, Democrat, or Liberal? Conservative libertarian. Smoke dope, fuck whores, low taxes, guns, small government

~Your Views~

Abortion: Up until the baby’s 25

War: All the time.

Drugs: All the time. We should offer junkies all the drugs they want at the bottom of a landfill. After they’re dead we won’t have to move ’em.
Russia: Shoulda nuked ’em along with the Arabs right after WW2.
Terrorism: As long as my side wins.
George W. Bush: winning in Iraq though the left will never admit it, but traitor for letting illegals in and spending money like a drunken sailor
Bill Clinton: convicted felon/disbarred lawyer (for perjury under oath, not the BJ) who should kill himself, which has to be better than being married to that harridan with a dick bigger than his. On the plus side, Monica was hot.
Democracy: Representative only
The Media: mostly liberal and forever denying it…internet killed the liberal liar
Today’s Standards implemented among the kids of today: there are none. make the pretty girls dance and kill the rest for food.
Immigration: We don’t need more people in the USA. landmines and machine guns on borders. seize mexican oil to pay cost of deporting illegals.

~What is your Favorite…~

Tv Show::: Kitchen Nightmares
Tv Channel::: They’re all in the remote
Band::: iPod
Song::: Butts to Nuts (I wrote it)
Cell Phone Brand::: cheap
Soft Drink::: Coke Zer0 (look for the new Cokeback Mountain Dew in Frisco)
beverage::: water
Alcoholic Beverage::: Coors light or dark beers or marijuana
Computer Brand::: Porn
Video game::: GTA series
Game Console::: Computer
Cereal::: Killer
Sub::: Red October
Hot Sandwich::: Roast Beef
Dessert::: Yellow Cake w/ Chocolate Uranium icing
City::: I choose the Matrix
State::: Grace
Country::: Some place where the women are cold and the beer is warm but every day is opposite day.
Animal::: all but people.
Shampoo::: Yes
Conditioner::: Air
Clothing Brand::: Fruit of the Cunt

Subject:: Me
Eye Color::: Shit brown
Hair Color::: Negro
Movie::: Empire Strikes Back
Condiment::: Trojan “Spear”mint

~Preferences – This or That~

IPOD/Cd Player::: ipod
Reeves/Routh::: Reeves and (Tom “Smallville” Welling)
Walmart/Kmart::: the one ending in mart
Target/kicked in groin::: target
Heaven/Hell::: I live in one now
Cash/ Credit::: too little of each to care
Blue/red::: blue balls
Black/ white::: black
Hooded/non hooded::: hooded cobra
Boobs/Butt::: All
Ennis Del Mar/Jack Twist: Jack Fuckin’ Twist
Intarweb/TV: net
Short/Long hair::: Bald
Night/Day::: night
Rain/Sun::: rain
Cloudy/Bright::: cloudy
Hot/Cold::: cold
Water/fire::: water
To Love/To fool around::: whores
Comedy/Drama::: dramedy
Day and Time zone?: Twilight Zone

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