Archive for November 8th, 2007

I don’t want to shoot him just yet

Thursday, 8 November 2007

Horace, this older assclown I used to work with stopped by the job today. He was laid off over half a year ago. While employed he was barely amiable in a creepy car salesman way. No one cared for him much.

Before joining us, Horace claimed to have been in Iraq, working for Halliburton. If that was the truth then he must have been doing it wrong to have to get a shit job, because dumb motherfuckers are leaving there after a year with 80 grand tax-free. Horace maintains he “saw corruption” firsthand and that’s why he left Iraq. When I asked him why he didn’t become a whistleblower, he implied he’d have been killed.

I silently agreed Halliburton may possibly have wanted to remove Horace from the gene pool, but not because of any evil conspiracy: Horace was simply lazy and barely did any work. We were all glad to see him go.

While with us, Horace claimed to have directed and produced a public access TV debate about the Iraq war, gathering various characters with opposing points of view.

Sad to say, I couldn’t fit a public access program into my busy schedule of doing jack shit, so I’ll never know how awful it was.

Today Horace was complaining that all local public access TV programming had been ended due to some rewriting of laws. I remembered reading something about that months ago, but even the local paper–a liberal rag in denial–didn’t go as far as Horace, claiming it was all a conspiracy to silence The People.

My guess is if public access TV is really off the air, the 5 people who watched it religiously probably moved on to macramé or watching paint dry.

During his mini-rant, Horace said, “Anyone who voted for Republicans should be shot.” I found this amusing, since it’s avowed nanny-state socialists like him who want to ban all guns…who does he think would win any ensuing gunfights?

Really, I don’t want to get into a civil war with nutball Horace-types. Watching a fat 50-something graying hippie in camouflage trying to hide behind a tree that’s two sizes too small for him during a gun battle, I would die of embarassment on his behalf long before any bullets (or thrown rocks) would hit me.

One of the inescapable facts of history is that over time, a minority does accrue the lion’s share of wealth…in more “enlightened” societies government then disperses and redistributes the wealth before the poor grow angry enough to rise up and kill the rich. Of course, what also happens over time is government forgets it’s merely a relief valve and starts to play Santa Claus, as it’s doing now…

I don’t think anyone who’s thought it through can remain static in their position on what should be done next in this neverending economic/comic cycle. It’s like surfing: sometimes you’re paddling like hell while other times the sole trick is to maintain balance and enjoy the ride.

I cast myself as leaning in favor of people keeping most of their wealth, even though I’m poor. Most wealthy don’t keep all their gold coins in a silo like Scrooge McDuck, they invest and create jobs, etc. So the greater crime, to me, is taking money from people who’ve earned it (most rich Americans started average and earned their coin; there are very few inherit-only Paris Hiltons) and giving it away to those who didn’t do anything. I don’t weep for the poor, the American poor, anyway, over half of which own their own homes, 2 cars and 3 TVs. America is the land of the hustle, but you won’t find any place on earth that rewards honest hustling more.

History has shown that pure capitalism won’t work any more than pure socialism, so in my older years I’ve accepted that some regulation and government programs, no matter how inept and corrupt, are necessary, despite being only symbolically effective.

What exact point I’m trying to make I don’t know, I just enjoy typing. And that bit about having to shoot the Horaces of the world, I’d really rather avoid that.

It’s finally COLD ’round here!

Thursday, 8 November 2007

Though too late for October, the past week’s weather has finally been awesome.

Temps are FINALLY cool enough not to have to use the A/C.

Just an open window brings total cold bliss.

I’m loving the chill…when the sun rises it’s still warm yet the breeze is so cool it’s like being back in Cali, only without all the illegals.

Thank you, Earth!

The Dentist has such sights to show you

Thursday, 8 November 2007

Went to the dentist for the first time in 7 years.

At one point during the last decade I was near-broke and living in my car. Flossing was the last fucking thing on my mind, though I’ve brushed my teeth twice a day every day for decades and had no problems or pain.

During my recent visit I was prepared to tell anyone wearing a smock, should they scold me for not flossing, to fuck off. This stems from a childhood dental experience where the bitch assistant asked if I flossed. When I replied in the affirmative she said, with deadly tone, “I don’t like liars.”

Fucking cunt.

I don’t hate the dentist like it is claimed most people do. I broke my two front teeth in a bike accident when I was 12, so I’m plenty familiar with dental work. My sole superpower is having no nerves in my two front teeth, which enables me to fearlessly bite into ice cream.

I fear nothing at the dentist’s office but the hair-thin needle they use to inject Novocain in the roof of the mouth, the irony being the worst pain of all is done in the name of numbing the area.

After I established my insurance status with the broads up front (one had a faint mustache) a fat-assed, professionally pleasant blonde led me to the back.

“So, did you eat any candy for Halloween?”

Jesus Christ, am I that unfuckable? Did she see me reading Highlights magazine in the waiting room? (“Goofus doesn’t use his napkin. Gallant slits the throats of squealers for the drug cartels”).

“Aren’t you guys and candy natural enemies?”

The blonde, who looked like a giant blueberry in her dark scrubs, did not laugh but took 15 x-rays. I don’t why the little cards used as a backdrop for firing the x-ray machine have razor-sharp edges, but after all these years they’ve never improved them. Whenever I bit down my eyes watered and I gagged. I’d make a lousy cock-sucking faggot.

The blueberry blonde finished doing her thing and left me waiting in the chair. When she returned with the x-rays I quickly sat up.

“The chairs are uncomfortable, aren’t they?”

“No chair is comfortable with a drill attached to it.”

The dentist was bald and had a strong handshake. His last name sounded like Zabzubab. I liked that, figuring anyone enduring endless roll calls in school with a last name beginning with Z was better at waiting patiently and thus could learn more.

Zabzubab briefly poked around with the tools…wherever the needle-like hook poked my swollen gums pain roared LOUDLY like a stack of stadium amps but with excruciating precision…I enjoyed it. Nothing like the dentist to make you understand the paradox of Pinhead from the Hellraiser flicks. (Who are dentists anyway? “Demons to some. Angels to others”).

Overall the Doc was pleased with my teeth, though of course I have a shitload of plaque…and three “small” cavities. The thing I don’t get about cavities is, the evil bacteria or whatever eats these holes, but they fill them up with an amalgam that the bacteria can’t destroy. Seems like you’d want some starter cavities in order to be made into a better cyborg.

I visit Dr. Zabzubab in a month for the official cleaning and fillings. I asked the girls at the front desk if my new fillings would be cream or chocolate. Mustache-girl quickly answered, “Chocolate!” while the cuter girl just grinned. I have no chance with either.