Might as well get this in early, since the closer we get to X-day the less relevant the rant:
FUCK XMAS.
Hell yes, I’m one of the Xmas haters! If you’ve read my stuff you already guessed this rant will be harmonious with the overriding hatred-of-everything theme around here.
Xmas is just buying crap for yourself through other people. Too often it’s crap you would never buy for yourself, so you have to pretend you care about the lack of thought that went into it. I hate wrapped gifts, cause then you have to feign surprise on top of disappointment. Give me a portable x-ray machine this year so I can be prepared.
Xmas is unnecessary. Living in America, we can get just about anything we want at any time, including non-seasonal fruit. To counter this obvious point, stores on Black Friday have been slamming prices to the mat like pro-wrasslin’ midgets, turning Best Buy parking lots into wealthy squatters’ camps.
December is my favorite month. It’s cool and cold but usually not freezing where I’ve lived most Decembers. Even if my birthday was hidden in some other month, I would still love the word “December”. I’d name my daughter December if I was ever going to have kids (I won’t). But Xmas vomitus overshadows the glory of the month itself.
The whole fucking thing stinks. If you hate Xmas as I do, you agree. If not, so what. Most people cherry-pick what they like about the hellidays, just like they do their religions. I’m not condemning them, it just is.
FUCK XMAS SIDEWAYS! Asshole Santa agrees:
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