TV Redux

The lazy-assed writers of Smallville are counting on fans’ loyalty to the Superman mythos. 

That’s why most weeks they churn out crap.

Supposedly this is the last season, and so the long-suffering will endure.

During last week’s show, Chloe (the only hot chick) says to Clark, “My (insert automobile’s name here) gets great gas mileage but blahblahblah.”

I stopped the Tivo, froze the expression on my face and walked into the bathroom to see what a fucking idiot looks like (the show’s producers must think I am to pull that kind of stunt).

I wouldn’t mind such blatant ad-placement if there were NO commercials at all, but that’s not the case.

There were even more shameful episodes the last two seasons where ad-placed cars should’ve gotten acting credits.

Of course, the final crime comitted against Smallville fans never seeing Tom Welling’s Clark Kent as Superman.  The excuse, aside from all the lawyering problems, will be the producers of both the next Supes movie and the TV show don’t want to “confuse” audiences with two Supermen (never mind the long list of pre-Reeve actors who’ve played the Big S).  If Superman Returns wasn’t such an unwatchable turd I might agree with the producers’ “logic”.

I don’t feel like writing an essay about “What Superman Means to Me” right now.  Maybe later.

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Bionic Woman is officially a cyberturd.  NBC tried, and failed.  Whatever its problems I don’t care anymore, it’s unwatchable.  Michelle Ryan is not as hot as I once thought she was, and after Smallville being on the air for almost a decade, why would anyone care about the (weak) powers of someone with only 3 rechargeable limbs?  The younger sister is a real asshole too, I would pray for a sniper cannon to take her out.  If I cared.

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Cavemen isn’t a total flop, more like a hairier My Name is Earl with no chemistry between actors and 1/4th the laffs.

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I’m a big fan of Satan but haven’t seen Reaper, primarily because a fat fuck with a faux-hawk is the lead, secondarily because the Devil looks like a fake-tanned used car salesman.  Fat Fuck with a Faux-hawk is a much better kickass show name.

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As with “norpography” I’m mostly over TV.  There’s just nothing out there to hold my interest, it’s all geared to ADD youngsters Ages 4-34.

Fuck ’em. I’ll dream my own dreams.

Random Shit

What you call Thanksgiving I call Thanxgetting. It’s not really a ‘giving’ for me since I don’t cook anything, just set the table and do the dishes later. It’s the greatest holiday of all, and the most sincere.

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For Playboy readers: is there a cartoon with a post-coital Pilgrim buckling his belt (or hat) alongside a sexy Pilgrim maiden every year? The capton is always the same: “Thanks!”

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My rant/review about Bushite Fury’s The Virus seems to get a lot of hits. The longer I go without re-reading it the more ridiculous the novella seems. At the end, hero Aaron Winters is laughing with his family about shutting down the entire government’s computer grid. So with the entire government angrily threatening to hunt him down, Winters thinks he’ll be safe because he’s in the woods of a national park aka federally-owned property. Author B. Fury also doesn’t take into account that the feral Black gangs, once the food in the ruined cities runs out, will ALSO soon be scouring the woods. Fury states his case, but his conclusions are wrong: the real war is a war of ideologies. There’s nowhere to run.

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Although I’d love to be a positive voice promoting White history as noble and proud (inexorably linked with American history like DNA) I do have some Jewish blood, which means no Aryan Discounts for me. 😦 Maybe my role is to help divorce the legitimate and necessary Whiteness movement from the taint of goose-stepping morons.

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GTA IV. Graphics? Holy shit.

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The “Word-Maker”, a dedicated keyboard with tiny LCD screen, arrives Tuesday. It arrives on a day-off, hopefully early enough that I have time to get familiar with its controls. Like a recovering alkie, I’ve already admitted I have a problem. The internet to me is a fifth of Wild Turkey at the center of an AA circle.

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Man-made global warming is a religious belief, unsupported by factual evidence. Those that smirk at the priest’s sermon as being fiction are yet ready to throw away their freedoms because some asshole in a white lab-coat tells the biggest lies possible about the weather to win his government research grant. This is the folly of our age.

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Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much. –G.K. Chesterton

Midgets

I asked random women at work if they were ever attracted to midgets or would go out with midgets. Most didn’t know any and one said the midget thing wasn’t a big deal, it’s “other things” that mattered.

“You mean like if he could rock a guitar?”

She left the room without answering.

I told another broad, “The best part about being a midget must be food. It must seem so huge every meal is like Thanksgiving…you could live off a single Big Mac for a week.”

I told a guy who walked into the break room that it must really suck being a midget in Ireland.

Finally, I told one last woman at work that if I were a midget, I’d team up with another midget and go to clubs, enticing women into doing “men-idget-a-tois” with us.

“Being with two midgets equals being with one regular-height guy, so there’s no feeling like a slut. That’s the selling point!”

People at work think I’m weird. They are right. Fortunately they laugh.

It should arrive soon

Since the Student Loan Usurers are raping me Deliverance-style every month, I decided I might as well blow what’s left on things that might actually help get me out of this mess and make life bearable, so today I made my most expensive voluntary purchase of the year by mail-ordering…a small word processor with a 6-line LCD screen.

No email, no internet, not even a clock: all you can do with the “Word-Maker” is WRITE, and maybe use it as a paperweight.

I need it because the lure of the regular craptop is as powerful to me as alcohol or sex is to others. The internet has become a huge distraction and liability, a gobbler of time that, for me, is better spent writing.

Will I produce good writing on the Word-Maker? Who cares, I’ll produce a hell of a lot more; I’m not worried about quality right now.

What makes the new machine worthwhile is the ability to upload text from it to a real computer for editing later, making the Word-Maker a Creation Engine only.

Creation is my ticket out of here.

Too many words about Dog the Bounty Hunter

Before the media fracas over Dog the Bounty Hunter’s racial-slur tainted phone conversation, here’s what little I knew of him, whether accurate or not:

* From an article about his criminal life before becoming a bounty hunter: after he refused to rob a church one of the other members of his gang said something like, “You’re not God, you’re ‘God’ backwards…you’re a dog.”

* He first got famous for bringing in Andrew Luster, a millionaire serial date rapist, who will now rot in prison for the rest of his life. (Shithole mexico, where Luster was apprehended, tried to lock Dog up since “bounty hunting is illegal” there, but eventually all charges were dropped. Meanwhile mexico won’t allow American cop-killers nor other criminal illegals who run back to mexico to be extradited).

* Dog dresses like all the members of Twisted Sister. Combined.

* His wife is fat but strangely attractive.

* Dog has to carry a Taser–no firearms–because he’s a former convicted criminal.

* I’ve seen a grand total of 10 minutes of his show. With furious intensity he captures a fat Hispanic fugitive with his team. He seems pissed-off at him, but after the wanted man is in custody Dog becomes a big, weepy softy, concerned that the fugitive take care of his situation. (Yes, it could all be an act for the camera, but wtf).

* Comedienne Andi Smith had a good Dog the BH observation.

When I heard the recorded phone conversation that may or may not end Dog’s TV career (You can find it in its entirety at wikipedia) I knew what he meant: he didn’t trust the black woman his son was dating. But even I had to cringe when Dog used a full-fledged”example” of real racism versus the moral character of the son’s (golddigger?) girlfriend.

“If Lyssa [Dog’s daughter] was dating a nigger, we would all say ‘fuck you!’ And you know that. If Lyssa brought a black guy home … ya da da. It’s not that they’re black, it’s none of that. It’s that we use the word ‘nigger.’ We don’t mean, ‘you fucking scum nigger without a soul.’ We don’t mean that shit.”

Christ.

I believe there’s a large twilight zone between people who pretend they’re not racist (read: everyone) but always refrain from using racial slurs even in private and people like Dog who use the n-word but can flip the racism behind it on and off like a switch. With the media biased the way it is, it’s not worth it for anyone to try defending use of the ‘nigger’ outside of talentless Black rappers (read: 99% of rappers). The leftist media views racial slip-ups (of conservatives only) like cockroach sightings which justify burning down the house if not the whole neighborhood.

I’m fed up with Whites having no civil rights while these pathetic little shits society keeps churning out by the bucketload validate their limited self-worth with accusations or comparisons of racism. The parasite says to himself, “I may take more than I give, but at least I’m not a racist!”  It’s usually deviant hypocrites who like to stand next to the Accused so they look good by comparison.

Dog the BH, for all this faults, captured a serial rapist while putting a symbolic thumb in the eye of the mexican “legal system” in the process. What the fuck have the “non-racists” done? Work to”free mumia?”

The biggest sinner of the Dog fiasco is son Tucker. He betrayed his own blood for profit. If this was a Godfather movie he’d already be sleeping with the fishes.

Iran Delenda Est

My old man knows more than me. We had lunch and he expanded on a recent email of his about the realities of might and right and coming threats to the economy in the form of deflation.

I’ve summarized these ideas here, mostly in my own words.

When you’re the big dog on the block (USA), you’re going to get challenged. By necessity a leader must be able and willing to bully and punish others, if he wants to stay the leader.

Why is the dollar weakening? Lack of confidence. Why is there a lack of confidence? Because Bush says the right things but doesn’t back them up, and other countries, perceiving weakness (Osama called the USA a “paper tiger”) are emboldened.

The noodle-spined and UN just make things worse. The Founding Fathers knew firsthand that no matter what, about 33% of the population is going to be against whatever’s going on. We can’t risk losing everything because people who have never went hungry even a day in their lives find war “uncomfortable”.

Of the Axis of Evil (North Korea, Iran, Iraq) we should’ve invaded Iran first. We didn’t and from that perspective, even the Iraq invasion was perceived as weakness, like only beating up the sidekick of the main opponent.

Machiavelli said: …it is better to be feared than loved.

Our next move should be sending 100 F-22 Raptors over Iran to take out every last one of their military installations. Remember I told you, China now uses one-half of the world’s supply of concrete and one-third of the steel. They’re not about to slow down, and Russia is in real danger of falling back into Soviet-style tyranny. Fucking Putin wants to be another Lenin.

(I mention to Pops that Russia’s declining birth rate leaves them especially vulnerable to invasion by China…earlier Pops had reminded me that China could take over any nation they wanted by simply marching civilians into it).

If you lived in a shithole (like Russia) would you want to bring 3 or 4 children into the world? That’s why all the Eastern Europeans are coming here (to America) to work at Wal-Mart.

Attacking Iran will remind Russia and China that we are crazy motherf–kers capable of anything. We may also have to stop all Chinese imports to especially remind them who is still the big dog. In which case Wal-Mart will be 80% empty.

It all comes down to commitment. If the British had sent 250,000 soldiers instead of only 50,000, the American Revolution would’ve been short lived.

Teddy Roosevelt was a great man. “Speak softly but carry a big stick” is as true today as it was nearly a century ago.

Take a break from pessimism

How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened. –Thomas Jefferson

…it has never been my way to bother much about things which you can’t cure.
– Mark Twain – A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court

I watched too many political vids on youtube tonight.
The idiocy, ignorance, paranoia, doomsaying, etc. was just too much for my tender sensibilities.

Although I cannot claim to rising above feeling anxious and threatened by the many ominous challenges of the future (Chinese world dominance, terrorists with nukes, collapse of the dollar and following right behind it like a booby prize in a box of Fruit Loops, the dreaded Amero) I’m trying to realize on a conscious level that all these macro problems can go fuck themselves. Like Jefferson wrote, most of these things never happen, and when they do, the terrifying tiger behind the door often turns out to be a kitten.

So then there’s hope:

…it is a blessed provision of nature that at times like these, as soon as a man’s mercury has got down to a certain point there comes a revulsion, and he rallies. Hope springs up, and cheerfulness along with it, and then he is in good shape to do something for himself, if anything can be done.

– Twain – Connecticut Yankee…

Although I can’t prove it, in the frequent absence of hope the human will still abide, because no other creature is interested by half in seeing what happens next.

Marc and Me: a love/hate rant

Way back in the early 90s, the four major Cocks of the Compass were Peter North, Marc Wallice, Tom Byron and TT Boy. Of course even then there were many other fellows (and hundreds more now thanks to the web and Cialis) but back in my Time of Pre-jaculatory Innocence it was possible to be familiar with every major starlet’s work and know the names of all the main cocksmen without being Rain Man.

As anyone who’s seen more than one porn movie knows, only the female faces change, a fact “mostly true” even today.

Though I look and “act” nothing like him, over time I “came” to identify with Marc Wallice the most. Wallice’s sexual adventures served as surrogate for my absent, nonexistent ones. I never liked him and still don’t, but as a familiar face in an ever-changing world of cunt, Wallice became sort of a “comfort cock”, exposed to as wide a variety of vaginas as a master chef’s menu.

Chalk it up to inevitability that Wallice as well as the other three aforementioned cocksmen fucked my personal favorite porn starlet several times over the years, leaving me with a permanent welt of blasphemy and loss.

(Aside: When a girl I knew described her feelings about the dudes in porn as “watching someone’s Jewish Dad”, I knew she meant either Wallice or Randy West).

It was already the 21st century when an acquaintance I’d met mentioned he once read an interview where Wallice described being in early morning LA traffic, smirking and gleeful that all the poor slobs around him had to go to some shit job while he was going to get laid and paid.

Whether or not that anecdote is true, I was the last to know that six years earlier, karma visited Wallice with extreme prejudice: he was discovered to be HIV+ and suspected of taking 6 or 7 pornettes down with him, making him a permanent porn pariah (though as late as 2003, it’s rumored he’s been directing/editing with his name off the credits).

My favorite line of the Wallice bio:

Sexually, Wallice cast himself out, and spent much of his time masturbating to magazines and past porn dalliances.

To this day I cannot say, “Past porn dalliances” without blasting the room with hard laughter. (Googling the above emboldened quote you can access Wallice’s personal story on Google Groups).

Over the years my pathetic life has been witness to Wallice’s many conquests, sadly lived vicariously through him; that the pornettes eternally spread their legs only for money is irrelevant. I was amazed and saddened to learn of the end of Wallice’s active career…without him I am alone, adrift on the treacherous sickening seas of present porn without his (Peter?) North Star to sail by.

I was also, of course, filled with only the finest schadenfreude that Wallice, lanky, hook-nosed, pony-tailed bi-sexual fuck machine was cast out of the pornosphere at last, as if now I somehow have a chance of catching up to the 1000s of vaginas and rectums his hooked horn has dipped inside.

What a truly pathetic and non-gay love/hate letter to a man I’ll never meet or want to meet.

I don’t want to shoot him just yet

Horace, this older assclown I used to work with stopped by the job today. He was laid off over half a year ago. While employed he was barely amiable in a creepy car salesman way. No one cared for him much.

Before joining us, Horace claimed to have been in Iraq, working for Halliburton. If that was the truth then he must have been doing it wrong to have to get a shit job, because dumb motherfuckers are leaving there after a year with 80 grand tax-free. Horace maintains he “saw corruption” firsthand and that’s why he left Iraq. When I asked him why he didn’t become a whistleblower, he implied he’d have been killed.

I silently agreed Halliburton may possibly have wanted to remove Horace from the gene pool, but not because of any evil conspiracy: Horace was simply lazy and barely did any work. We were all glad to see him go.

While with us, Horace claimed to have directed and produced a public access TV debate about the Iraq war, gathering various characters with opposing points of view.

Sad to say, I couldn’t fit a public access program into my busy schedule of doing jack shit, so I’ll never know how awful it was.

Today Horace was complaining that all local public access TV programming had been ended due to some rewriting of laws. I remembered reading something about that months ago, but even the local paper–a liberal rag in denial–didn’t go as far as Horace, claiming it was all a conspiracy to silence The People.

My guess is if public access TV is really off the air, the 5 people who watched it religiously probably moved on to macramé or watching paint dry.

During his mini-rant, Horace said, “Anyone who voted for Republicans should be shot.” I found this amusing, since it’s avowed nanny-state socialists like him who want to ban all guns…who does he think would win any ensuing gunfights?

Really, I don’t want to get into a civil war with nutball Horace-types. Watching a fat 50-something graying hippie in camouflage trying to hide behind a tree that’s two sizes too small for him during a gun battle, I would die of embarassment on his behalf long before any bullets (or thrown rocks) would hit me.

One of the inescapable facts of history is that over time, a minority does accrue the lion’s share of wealth…in more “enlightened” societies government then disperses and redistributes the wealth before the poor grow angry enough to rise up and kill the rich. Of course, what also happens over time is government forgets it’s merely a relief valve and starts to play Santa Claus, as it’s doing now…

I don’t think anyone who’s thought it through can remain static in their position on what should be done next in this neverending economic/comic cycle. It’s like surfing: sometimes you’re paddling like hell while other times the sole trick is to maintain balance and enjoy the ride.

I cast myself as leaning in favor of people keeping most of their wealth, even though I’m poor. Most wealthy don’t keep all their gold coins in a silo like Scrooge McDuck, they invest and create jobs, etc. So the greater crime, to me, is taking money from people who’ve earned it (most rich Americans started average and earned their coin; there are very few inherit-only Paris Hiltons) and giving it away to those who didn’t do anything. I don’t weep for the poor, the American poor, anyway, over half of which own their own homes, 2 cars and 3 TVs. America is the land of the hustle, but you won’t find any place on earth that rewards honest hustling more.

History has shown that pure capitalism won’t work any more than pure socialism, so in my older years I’ve accepted that some regulation and government programs, no matter how inept and corrupt, are necessary, despite being only symbolically effective.

What exact point I’m trying to make I don’t know, I just enjoy typing. And that bit about having to shoot the Horaces of the world, I’d really rather avoid that.

It’s finally COLD ’round here!

Though too late for October, the past week’s weather has finally been awesome.

Temps are FINALLY cool enough not to have to use the A/C.

Just an open window brings total cold bliss.

I’m loving the chill…when the sun rises it’s still warm yet the breeze is so cool it’s like being back in Cali, only without all the illegals.

Thank you, Earth!