The Bed Effect

Sis brought the greatest gift of all this year. No, not Xmas cheer, Xmas Cannabinizzle my rizzle.

Good shit. Rolled, filtered marijuana cigs from the Commiefornia State legal “pharmacy” (gourmet shrooms too, but those are for later and not from the State).

I was sober when Sis and I ventured out to shop. I didn’t like the thought of her going alone to a mall at 11PM (as in “all” female brains, Sis’s compassion module takes up an extra slot where common sense goes…the reverse being true for men) so I went along as bodyguard/Big Bro.

What you see below was bought under the influence of whatever the hell she was on…not cannibizzle but hyper-caffeine (she wouldn’t shut the hell up). We found it in the “As Seen On TV” section of the non-ironically named drugstore.

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Notice how the hyper-gay-looking boy on the box seems a little too excited for anyone’s good, then realize the whole product, box and all, is useless and insane. BED EFFECTS. You mean, there’s a whole line of products out there to pimp one’s bed?

I love LEDs but this thing is just…WTF. For 5 bucks it would’ve been cool, but they wanted $15 and got it…from Sis.

Like 99% of things in life, the pimp strip was a con. The LEDs are all white don’t change colors. See the small type: “changeable gels”. You have to manually put the half-tubes of colored flimsi in place to switch colors. Here we put two gels in it, thus it is dim.

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The “wacky” curve in the thing is probably to keep fat cats from using their own homemade gels. Xmas, treachery is thy name.

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2 Responses to “The Bed Effect”

  1. Digital Howie Says:

    They’ll sell anything on t.v. I’ve bought some of the garbage myself, here and there. Now a chain drug store, Walgreens, actually has a section, small though it is, of “as seen on t.v.” shit. I make sure I browse this stuff whenever I go there and I haven’t seen anything I’ve wanted…yet. Most of it is just the stupidest shit someone’s ever invented, like this contraption that is supposed to whiten your nicotine colored yellow teeth by have its “light” dissolve the shit on your teeth. Yeah, right. No wonder the Chinese are trying to kill us with lead and whatever else. Those fuckers in those slave factories over there must truly hate Americans knowing we buy this garbage that they get paid 10 cents a day to make. Poor fucking bastards.

  2. meatlights39 Says:

    I love the AS SEEN ON TV section….it gives me hope that people are doing serious drugs to invent shit. Probably the most ingenious thing I’ve seen in the past decade (not in that section but elsewhere) is that metal “tongue” you hang on a B-ball net that “tosses” the ball back to you when you make a basket. Avoid that “One-Touch” can opener, BTW, it’s a piece of shit.

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