Archive for February, 2008

Trival trivia

Friday, 29 February 2008

The only rule was that all of these tidbits had to come from memory, no referencing the net or any other source allowed. Therefore, some may be wrong. Enjoy.

Seaweed is used to make ice cream, human placentas are used to make shampoos, fish scales are used in lip gloss.

Human sperm ejaculates at approx. 28 MPH.

Gorilla penises on average are smaller than human penises, but a full grown gorilla can lift 1000lbs easily.

OJ Simpson had rickets as a kid. His mother helped him to walk by making him wear the opposite shoes on his feet (left shoe on right foot and vice versa).

Smurfs are 3 apples high.

Human babies are born without kneecaps.

Vietcong soldiers would hold their thumbs at arm’s length against an enemy chopper in flight. If the chopper appeared larger than the thumb they’d try to shoot it down.

Richard Nixon was an expert at poker (surprise).

Alfred Nobel create the Nobel Peace Prize so he’d be remembered for something other than inventing dynamite.

Some musicians were observing a line of people waiting to see a horror movie. “Since people like scary movies, why don’t we make scary music?” And Black Sabbath was born.

White chocolate has no chocolate in it.

When US spacecraft landed on the moon it rang like a bell for hours, as if it were hollow.

Satan means “adversary” in Hebrew.

The kokoa is the most poisonous frog in the world, the one rain forest Indians make poison darts from. The poison remains lethal for 12 years after drying.

The opposite of movie special effects are called practical effects. For example, using a rig of sprayers to make rain. Milk is added to movie rain so it shows up on camera.

Real milk appears blue on TV, so glue is used in place of milk in cereal commercials. Dish soap is added to coffee in commercials to make bubbles in it.

Adding baking soda to super glue makes it cure faster.

The son of John Wilkes Booth saved Lincoln’s son from falling in front of a subway.

Giraffes moo, but quietly and seldom.

Alcohol proof is the alcohol content divided by half. 100 proof = 50% alcohol.

During Prohibition, smugglers would dump barrels of booze tied to huge blocks of salt in waterways. Hours later, the salt would dissolve and the booze barrel would rise to the surface. These contraptions were called “hams” and drug dealers do the same thing today.

Blood is thicker than water, but barely, by thousandths of an inch by volume.

Bats have excellent eyesight but can hear the beating of a mosquito’s wings.

Only male mosquitos, which don’t bite, buzz.

The mosquitos “needle” is so small it can slip between human nerve cells. That’s why you don’t feel the bite until it’s too late.

It’s better to let a mosquito finish drinking your blood once it’s started, since it injects anesthetics to numb the area.

During WW2, DDT that “dangerous” pesticide, was poured over refugees to delouse them. American soldiers were given small tins of DDT to delouse themselves as needed. You can eat small amounts of DDT with no adverse effects.

Pure nicotine taken orally or absorbed through the skin is a lethal poison.

A pack of Wrigley’s Gum was the first product to have a bar code.

Truman wanted to use the atomic bomb on Mt. Fuji, an enduring symbol of Japan.

The S. in Harry S. Truman was just the letter. It was a compromise between his parents who both had middle names beginning with S.

Superman was originally an evil character.

Kryptonite was invented during the radio era of Superman. The voice actor was away for a few weeks, so the plot twist had Superman locked in a closet (and coughing) from Kryptonite exposure.

Auto racing and NASCAR developed from souped-up bootlegger cars being raced after Prohibition.

Camel humps are made of fat. They’re called “ships of the desert” because they walk by moving both left legs then both right legs, causing them to sway like a ship.

Sound travels faster through water than air.

Lightning can and does strike the same place twice. It can shoot from ground to sky or sky to ground. Lightning bolts are hotter than the surface of the sun.

During the Civil War, soldiers with maggot-infested wounds had a higher survival rate. The maggots ate the dead flesh in the wounds, preventing gangrene.

To enlist in the Civil War, boys would write the number 16 on a piece of paper and put in in their shoe. When asked if they were “over 16” they could respond truthfully.

Dolphins have larger brains than humans.

The corpus callosum, the bridge between the two halves of the human brain, is larger in both women and gay men.

The universe is not only expanding, but gaining speed.

Caligula made his horse a senator.

In the days of the Gladiator, “thumbs down” from the Emperor actually meant spare the loser’s life. Thumb’s up meant, “Stick it to him” or “Kill him”.

To make the “Horse of a Different Color” in the Wizard of Oz it was rubbed with Jell-O.

A unicorn can only be caught by a virgin.

The original Star Trek aired on…Friday nights (poor nerds).

Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry was an atheist.

Mr. Spock’s “live long and prosper” hand gesture was taken from Judaism.

Captain Kirk (Shatner) kissing Lt. Uhura (Nichelle Nichols) was the first interracial kiss ever shown on TV.

Atari was originally a California company. The name was chosen because it sounded Japanese.

Fortune cookies were invented in New York, Chicago or San Fran, I forget which. But they’re American, dammit!

This post is over.

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Never fight tears

Thursday, 28 February 2008

If you’re close to crying, do so: tears release chemicals, including natural painkillers.

If you don’t feel like crying, don’t go here. You really have to be tortured by your own thoughts to go that way, to hit loved ones with the force of a bomb that won’t kill but put them in Hell all the same.

A few of those left behind, shell-shocked and numb, dare to imagine the suffering that drove the beloved dead to finally act.

All of the the dead look like anybody you might meet. They are.

After shutting down the cursed computer I was ready for sleep. My eyes were sticky red bulbs.

Giant white dogs the size of small bulls chase me around a massive supernetwork of highways spread across a steroidal Los Angeles.

I kill one of the dogs, slashing its muscular belly open. It sprays barrels of blood as it corkscrews downward between still more freeways, stacked in infinite levels. Some fat fucking son of a bitch like a White sumo wrestler appears, yelling for the authorities. He wants to kill me to avenge the dogs or himself. I don’t know if it was his dog but more dogs lurk out there, seeking revenge.

Wherever I try to hide, children recognize me, laughing and asking innocent questions about the dogs. I answer their questions, angrily amazed I’m stupid enough to be stalled.

I merge onto a 15-lane freeway, making my escape on a scooter as worthless as the Faggio from GTA. It won’t go faster than 35 as white dogs thunder after me down the busy freeways.

I blink, teleported to another safe house, a small apartment…

I woke up before I had to wake up, an hour to go. I can’t figure out how an hour of sleep can be made to feel like a steak-eating contest.

A few hours left before work. The real nightmares always begin with sunlight.


Quoticle – Death and loss

Wednesday, 27 February 2008

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies within us while we live.

~ Norman Cousins

Heart of Dentist Too(th)

Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Click for the original post.

I wake up unhappy, don’t eat and go to the dentist’s office.

Lying in the chair with a fairly attractive Asian probing my
mouth, I think about how I’ve never seen a porno that takes
place in a dentist’s office, probably because no one believes
anything pleasurable happens there.

As the woman works away with hooks and drills I once
again imagine the sewer pipes under the building, draining
the sludge of blood, gum tissue and tooth (fairy) dust to
Hell for sinners to drink.

I get the vibe the pretty Asian might be Interested, but I’m
not. I’m already heartsick and have no idea why it’s
important my teeth be in good order; ideas for suicide don’t
involve anything that leaves ID only by the teeth.

The dentist is a Good Old Florida Cracker. There are fillings
to be done and the syringe has a shiny silver ring for his
thumb. Oh shit.

The needle pierces my gums, pain lighting up the nerves
racing up the length of my jawline. By the 5th time the
needle strikes, I’m used to it, the monstrous pain of the
white hot needle, a cum-squirt of hot Novocain and WHOOF,
the pain vanishes like a match being blown out. The
horrible needle delivers the cure for itself.

As Dr. Cracker finishes with the shots I tell him, “This is why
I could never be a spy.”

Ha ha ha ha.

Fairly Pretty Asian cleans some more. I’m led to another
chair for the fillings.

A White girl, age unknown, wears a cloth mask over her
mouth and a full facial visor over that. Her smock is
brown and neither her tits or ass leap out as extraordinary.
I love her anyway. She sets up the tools of the trade on
the little tray. Hyperactive squirrels outside the window
distract her. Uh oh.

Dr. Cracker joins her when all is ready. Even with the left
half of my face numb, the drill feels like one from a hardware store. My
mind is both keenly focused and racing. I wonder why
there have never been tooth-shaped birthday cakes, why
everything is a disaster to the unhappy mind. A line from
Bukowski: People’s mouths are uglier than their assholes. I
try not to laugh aloud, there are four hands in my mouth
wielding all manner of sharps and I’m drowning in my own
saliva. I wonder if the girl is a dental student. I love her
even though I haven’t seen her face. Is this how poor
Muslim men go through life? Wondering what’s under there?

No wonder they pray to Allah. No, girl, don’t look at the Muslim squirrels holding their nuts, concentrate on this.

She hold a blue light over the filling goo. Beep….beeep.

It is finished.

I sit in the raised chair like the Buddha, the stupid beaded chain with alligator clips holding a blue napkin on my chest. Horrible pain brings a powerful ability to focus. When Dr. Cracker was shooting me with Novocain, I wished he would’ve flipped out and stabbed me in the heart. It would probably be a fine way to die, the heart stopping as if batteries had been removed but instead of cold death, warmth and beautiful numbness.

The bill is $285 for 3 fillings and a partial cleaning. I’m in the wrong line of work and of questionable sanity, as is everyone who visits a dentist of their own free will.

B. Hussein Disconnect

Monday, 25 February 2008

I’ve already said most of what needed to be said about B. Hussein Obama already.

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No hand over bleeding heart?

NOW, this same fellow who refuses to place his hand over his heart or wear a tiny American flag lapel pin, will dress like this:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

WTF?  WTF?  WTF?  WTF? ad infinitum

Granted, Bush and his predecessors had to hold hands with that fucking tyrant from Saudi Arabia, but that was part of the job.  B. Hussein is trying to win an election.  Supposedly.  Of what country?  The liberal media’s softball questions aren’t helping anyone learn anything more about him; they already know he’s a capitalist-hating, elitist socialist.  I’ve seen harsher grilling and more in-depth interviews to be a manager at Burger King.

Get him out of here.

Fuckfield #46

Monday, 25 February 2008

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Fuckfield #52

Monday, 25 February 2008

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Oscar snip

Sunday, 24 February 2008

Walking through the room, I saw The Golden Compass win an Oscar for Best Visual Effects over Transformers.

What shit.

Coke was doing CG polar bears 15 fucking years ago. How is that an accomplishment compared to Transformers when just one of the Transformer’s guns has 10,000 moving parts?

Rage. 

Fuckfield #75

Sunday, 24 February 2008

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A few words

Saturday, 23 February 2008


My own mildly educated prediction is that after decades of liberal indoctrination and an evil government spreading its tentacles into every last area of Americans’ lives (RINOs are also to blame) the appeal to human nature’s basest undisciplined desires will lead to the majority simply giving up and being bought off. There are no longer enough patriots to sustain a coherent country. America as it was once known will eventually fall, becoming another socialist pig nation just like all the limpwrists and cowards of Neo-Muslim Europe. Then I will laugh as the Red Chinese swoop in and kill all of the liberal intellectual fascists. Hopefully by then I’ll be living in a cave with robots, or dead of pancreatic cancer.

–my own cleverness

Yeah, I’m in love with the above. My own words. Why not? I hope they give my 3 readers pause and make them worry (they won’t).

What does God or Time care about America? Nothing. Both will still be around when America goes under. Together they watched the Roman Empire rise and fall over 10 centuries; not even a single breath.

Ayn Rand warned of what’s happening now. The Creators create and the bureaucrats rob the in the name of fairness, counting on the Creators to “figure something out”. In Atlas Shrugged the Creators said, ‘Fuck Off’ and let everything go to hell. But it’s not going to happen that way. The Creators can’t help but create and the bureaucrats can’t help but steal. It’s a game of tolerance–real tolerance–the measure of how much stress a system can stand before flying apart. No one likes to think about the costs of endless illegal aliens, endless “free” health care, education, food, endless bastards without fathers, endless welfare checks and daycare, endless raises for Congress, endless rules and regulations, endless lies in the schools, endless preached ignorance from those who know better, endless edicts from petty tyrants, endless TV, video games.

Endless blogs.

China will own the world this century. They have the sheer numbers; all they need. They’ll probably take over Russia first. The most we (the US) could do to them is wipe them out once along with ourselves…but even if we threw every nuke in existence at them it wouldn’t be possible to exterminate every last Yellow man and woman.

After the nuclear holocaust, those who survive in the largest numbers will be Chinese.

I’m saddened by the decline of the US. It is, after all, my home. It’s been fairly fair to me, despite its many flaws.

When the the Neo-Mexican invaders celebrate being a majority in 2050 along with America’s intellectual commies, hopefully I’ll be watching from a bunker somewhere, strapped to a chair to ride out the shockwaves as the skies darken with Chinese missiles, their original much-improved targeting technology given to them by Swill Fuckface Clinton long ago.

My only stake in this is a few words. Always was, everything else was/is always too late.

Just like it’s too late for America.