Archive for February 21st, 2008

Knight Rider TV Movie belongs in junkyard

Thursday, 21 February 2008

Fortunately for Hollywood, which has little creativity, people don’t want things to ever change.  Yet the new Knight Rider TV movie has changed the KR formula with additional mediocrity; it’s 10 tons of crap in a 5 ton crate.

It was fun for the first 5 minutes, then they show a young woman surfing on the beach. Later, under the beach shower, the camera locks on her torso and stays there as she unzips her bodysuit. I felt embarrassed; Hasselhoff didn’t even make this an homage to Baywatch, and the young woman’s character turns out to be a pretty but small-breasted Obama-shaded FBI agent. I guess this was a Message that small-breasted female Obama-shaded FBI agents can also be beautiful and feminine and surfers. My review just gave her more character development than the entire movie.

Meanwhile Michael Knight Jr. (why bother making up another last name?) is waking up in bed with a hottie as another hottie comes out of nowhere (probably from taking a piss) to return to the bed, all while the ethnic/nerd roommate is blabbering about loan sharks.

I’m no prude but there’s a time and a place for this kind of thing, and a “family” made-for-TV movie isn’t the place for menage a Maxim whores.

The plot of Knight Rider is there is no plot. The “Black River” mercenaries (a none-too-subtle dig on Blackwater) are trying to steal K.I.T.T.’s inventor’s hard drives so they can “start wars”. Have these assholes seen the news these past, oh, 8 years? There’s plenty of war to go around! Due to the unspoken rule that no more than two White Men can ever be in the same group on TV, an Asian and Black round up the incompetent Black River stooges. Any leftover menace is completely wiped out by the lead stooge who looks exactly like David Spade.

The whole thing was a 2-hour commercial for Ford. Probably thanks to the asshole execs at Ford, worried about the image of their precious car, K.I.T.T. (needlessly voiced by Val Kilmer) does no jumps and no stunts. After seeing whole cars transform into robots last summer, watching a car change paint color is not a “breathtaker”.

Hasselhoff had over 20 years to come up with a clever and fun script and this piece of shit watches like it was written over a weekend. Hoff, we deserved better. Fuck you.

Book Review: What the Buddha Never Taught

Thursday, 21 February 2008

What little I know:

Siddhārtha Gautama, aka The Buddha, started out life as the ancient equivalent of Hugh Hefner and whittled his desires down until he became One with Everything (the state of bliss; Nibbana or Nirvana).  After becoming Enlightened the Buddha traveled and spread his teachings, inadvertently forming a world religion that honors no God but demands adherence to highly moral precepts, including friendliness and compassion towards all beings.

He later died of food poisoning.

A fairly entertaining BBC docu called The Life of The Buddha can be found on youtube.  (Apparently if the Buddha were alive today, he’d be an underwear model.)

While not a Buddhist, I crave what the Buddha promised: the end of suffering. If this could be done by suicide you’d be reading Meatlights40’s shit instead of mine.

Reading Tim Ward’s What the Buddha Never Taught didn’t bring me Enlightenment, but it brought me a tad closer.I’m glad I found it when I did; it helped me answer what might happen if I moved to an austere Thai Buddhist monastery like Ward did.

The Answer to those seeking to get away: you’ll still suffer, but with a shaved head, scorpions and cobras under your feet and robes that will expose your nuts if you sit the wrong way.

Quite a few farang (mildly derogatory term for foreigners) like Tim inhabit this book, including a fellow that looks just like him (creating the duo of Tim and Jim, “The Twins”).

By monastery standards, the monks have a rich, if spartan life: the local farmers, seeking good kamma (or karma) fill their begging bowls with rich foods, giving offerings to the symbolic robes, not the monks per se.  Each monk gets his own kuti (hut) in the woods in which to meditate.

Ward has many lively conversations with the other monks about every manner of topic, reaching the conclusion that whether you stay in the forest or return to modern civilization, you suffer.

LIFE IS SUFFERING is the Buddha’s First Noble Truth.  (I wish Burger King would create a Noble Truths Collect-All-Four set of glasses or tumblers like they made in the old days).

Suffering is everywhere, it’s massive, it shadows life.You can’t escape it.

Except by your own mind.


The challenges to still the mind are relentless, endless:  if you desire something, that’s Attachment. If you avoid something, Aversion is equally bad.

People who dislike organized religion may also find insight here.  Any organized system will be fraught with human flaws, and the monks and their order are no different.  Tim is disgusted the Arahant (an Enlightened spiritual super-leader) of the Thai monks is very old and nearing his end in another monastery, yet is being kept alive so that donations keep flowing in for more monasteries to be built.  Jim is an even greater cynic, disgusted with the laxity and sloth he’s found in other monasteries during his travels.

A fine cast of characters rounds out the monastery, including a Chicago millionaire who gave up everything and (as of 1985) had been a monk going on 12 years.

I was happy to discover What the Buddha Never Taught.It’s highly accessible, straightforward and entertaining, one of those books you’ll want to read every few years.

While you suffer.

May all beings be happy.
May they be joyous and live in safety.
All living beings, whether weak or strong,
in high or middle or low realms
of existence, small or great, visible or invisible,
near or far, born or to be born,
Let no one deceive another, nor despise any being in any state;
Let none by anger or hatred wish harm to another.
Even as a mother at the risk of her life watches over
and protects her only child,
so with a boundless mind should one cherish all living things,
suffusing love over the entire world, above, below,
and all around, without limit;
so let one cultivate an infinite good will toward the whole world.

The Metta Sutta