Smallville blues

I’m trying like hell to stay interested in Smallville because I love the Superman mythos but I’m only fooling myself, the show is a fucking travesty.

Due partially to 2008 being one big Kryptonite enema for me, I’ve missed the last 4 or so episodes and would have missed tonight’s had I not bothered on a whim to poke around the worthless CW website (watch full episodes of CW shows! But only the crap ones)!

I don’t know how dead fucking Jor-El keeps meddling all the way to the point he can strip superpowers away like God, or why this same omnipotent ghost-in-the-machine can’t/won’t do anything to stop Clark’s many foes (at least 3 have actually been in the Fortress so far). Why can’t Ghost Jor-El ever explain to Clark what the fuck is going on?   Because a more complex plot would require good writing, and the lazy, sloppy hacks are content to simply drag things out while violating the logic of the Superman universe.

The last ep I saw was the one where Jor-El punishes Clark via Kara/Stuporgirl (the UNstacked blonde), inflicting her with amnesia and beaming her to Detroit, a plot twist even I found tacky and subtly racist. Oh look, a pretty blonde White woman be lost on deh mean streets of Motown! YOU KNOW WHERE YOU ARE? YOU’RE IN THE JUNGLE BABY!

While away I’ve also missed key moments like the return of Pete, who drove into town solely to pimp Stride gum.

Later Chloe and Lana hop into Chloe’s impossibly clean and detailed car (commercial) and drive away. I wouldn’t mind these in-show ads (a la Truman Show) except a) they’re badly blatant and distracting and B) unlike the Truman Show concept, there are still regular commercial breaks.

The cheap CW motherfuckers are also skimping on the effects…we’re lucky to get a minute of action per episode anymore.

If you look at the numbers, Smallville peaked in its second season, when it was Smallville High and everyone was still young enough to look like a teen at age 24 and there was always a reason for a girl to be in a bikini or cheerleader outfit and the plots were simple Freak-of-the-Week fun. As the show progressed they knew it wouldn’t last, yet when the time came to deliver More, the shit writers seemed to have been caught completely unprepared. More likely, they just didn’t give a shit.

I don’t know if this is the final season of Smallville. I believe so; if not it should be. Both Welling and Rosenbaum seem tired, with a fullness of face signaling the arrival of early middle age.

Some day, if I’m still alive, I’ll end up dropping a hundred at Costco for Smallville: the Complete Series. It’s sad that I want them to get it over with rather than celebrate what was a great idea in its prime. Smallville fans (I’m the only one I know) and the Man of Steel deserve better.

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3 Responses to “Smallville blues”

  1. Digital Howie Says:

    You are a total fucking faggot. Superman. Get real. Batman is THE superhero, dude. “Batman Begins” ROCKED and I’m sure Heath Ledger’s last film, “The Dark Knight”, where he plays the Joker, and is the sequel to “Batman Begins” will ROCK as well. Long live Batman. No superpowers. Just intelligence, moxie and badass futuristic gadgets, plus the Batmobile kicks fucking ass.

  2. meatlights39 Says:

    No, YOU are a total fucking finook turd burglar poo-pusher. But I accept you as you are. You’re lucky I let these drunken tirades of yours stand.

    To borrow a line from Kevin Smith: “Batman is about justice, Superman is about hope.”

    I like Batman too and eagerly await The Dark Knight.

    Had the latest Superman incarnation had the right script and direction it might also have kicked ass. Instead it sucked, and everyone knows it.

    More on this important topic later.

  3. supernatural66 Says:

    Hi! As a fellow Smallville fan who is frustrated beyond belief- but strangely still tunes in- I feel your pain. My friends and I have been laughing about how wrong it is that we all laughed when Brainiac told Clark Lana is in intense pain and suffering….good! We have suffered through too much soap crap and not nearly enough action for way too long……
    This is not the last season- they have been confirmed for season 8. But word is they may pull a One Tree Hill and fast forward the show like 5 years so the blatant age thing isn’t an issue anymore……how Clark will be Supes without the suit is beyond me.
    I totally agree on the special FX – this season has been awful. What is with the Saturday morning live action from the 70s style heat vision we are suddenly getting? Did they have a PC meltdown in the FX dept? I have friends online who can do that better for nothing…..

    Grrr…..one good thing no real CLANA crap the last part of the season and lots and lots of evil Lex and Brainiac- if that doesn’t get farmboy out of the barn I don’t know what will…..

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