Product Placement

Some products I’ve recently encountered.

SPIKE energy drink promises no calories, carbs or sugar. It doesn’t say shit about crashes and the warning at the top reads NEVER EXCEED ONE CAN DAILY.

I heeded the warning and chugged only the one can…it gave me rapid heartbeat anyway, all day, plus my blood psi. probably was 300 over 200. Respect the Spike and drink only half a can. Emergencies only!

After buying some test bottles at 7-11’s ripoff price, I found this 2-pack of 5-hour ENERGY at a different “convenience” store. Cost: approx 5 bucks. This shit works as promised, with no crash at the end. However it can’t be good every day.

There is also now a 6-hour Energy out there for the same price. Someone always has a bigger gun.

I first found this new type of milk bottle at Costco. I can’t get enough of this thing. Between Costco visits I buy regular gallons of milk in the old bulky jugs and transfer them to this sexy bitch. Note the helpful label with clearly illustrated instructions. Can life get any better? I submit that it cannot.

Sea Salt is the new black, as far as salts go. I couldn’t care less, but I was intrigued by these brown rice chips which I also found at Costco. They taste good, but any and all chips are fattening crap no matter how healthy they claim to be. A modest blurb at the top of the bag reads EFFORTLESSLY BETTER. That would make a good t-shirt or penis pump slogan.

The opposite of rice chips are these fucking things. Yes, you see correctly, they are french-fry shaped chips dusted with a ketchup flavoring. I was intrigued enough to buy them from a vending machine. Others warned me after the fact they’d been in there for months, hardly a surprise.

By trying these I am indicating to female others that I’m willing to try new things and am a sexual powerhouse.

Armed with this new product knowledge, I expect you to go forth and live for today, void where prohibited, some restrictions apply.

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2 Responses to “Product Placement”

  1. Digital Howie Says:

    Ketchup and Fries tasting snack shaped things? YUCK. As I grow older I find my tired old system simply can’t take this kind of “food” product. I keep it as bland as possible else other ise I will have bad gas from eating such a “food”, followed by tremendous gut aches and pains, and, finally, resulting in a stinking flood of bad gumbo poured out of my asshole at a high rate of speed, with it deposited into the closest potty available.

  2. More product placement « Says:

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