Archive for January, 2009

America in REAL Jeopardy!

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Got a few more hits than usual lately, most of them for Jeopardy! posts.

The online test came and went in my timezone; I never bothered to register.

I have other things to immediately focus on like the scheduled death of a beloved pet, a brutal early morning work schedule and now the second wave of government theft that went through today, the Economic Scamulus Bull, courtesy of Black Commie and His Merry Band of Jackass Marxists.

The “Stimulus” is a payoff to the commies and thugs that put Obamarx in office. If you voted for this radical thug because you thought he was better than Gramps McCain, you’re in for a nasty surprise the rest of us knew was coming. Don’t think for a minute you’re going to benefit from Thugbama’s ‘generosity’ to his cronies using your money. Not a single job will be created and no part of the economy will recover because of anything demonshits do. The only thing the socialists could do to save the free market they despise is slash taxes and freeze government spending, and Hell would freeze over twice before the latter happened.

Guns. Bloodshed. War in the streets. It’s coming. You’ve got one half of the country wanting to do things the way that’s worked for nearly two centuries and the other half demanding a clone of euro-socialist ineptitude on American soil, spreading the wealth at gunpoint via federal leviathan, the EXACT thing the Founding Fathers feared.

Bush’s Presidency was mostly a failure because of the bailouts. He cut the ribbon on the road to tyranny and made it easy for born-in-Kenya Obama to slink in and start the shitball rolling with the Scamulus Bull. At the time of this writing, I’m proud not a single Republican has voted for it, though this current crop is just as likely to give in tomorrow.

There’s going to be a revolution whether people are ready or not. There’s no FUCKING way patriots are going to put up with 4 years of this.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Advertisements

Fucked over…by the Dollar Store

Monday, 26 January 2009

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

A true impulse buy, I yanked this DVD off the rack and slid it down the Dollar Store’s checkout conveyer belt like a beer down the gnarled bar in an old western. I did it as stolidly as I could, like I didn’t give a damn, knowing if the “instructional vid” was any good, I’d be putting that dollar to good use later in the evening. I know it seems kind of idiotic to waste a dollar on this, when yottabytes of n0rpography await for FREE online, but sometimes you just want to keep things classy. And no, I’m not ashamed in the slightest that the tear you see across the girl’s stomach was from me eagerly ripping open the package instead of finding scissors.

Well, I did get fucked, but in the raw, metaphorical sense, because Blondie’s sole appearance on this DVD was the cover. Featured ON the DVD was this lass:

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

On the plus side, Sweet Nancy here has a slim but “TIGHT little body”, as my friend Wells would say in the 90s. But while I would readily swear in a court of law that Nancy has made her body the healthiest and best-looking it can be, alas, the lass is only half-full and regrettably NOT the Blondie on the cover, dancing and splashing on an exotic beach, performing a pseudo-workout.

In order for me to feel like I got my money’s worth, the real Nancy would have to show up and fuck me until my head exploded like “Belloq” at the end of Radiers of the Lost Ark.

Life is risk. Back to the yottabytes for me.

Bizarre dream

Monday, 26 January 2009

WARNING: MATURE, VIOLENT CONTENT.


Had a dream last night where a gang of young punkasses stole a handgun belonging to me. The dream ended with me cutting one of them repeatedly with a machete, including burying the blade inches deep over his right eyebrow. He died with his eyes open.

To make it stranger, I then dropped the weapon and pressed my palms together in the perfect image of praying hands and asked Lord Jesus Christ to forgive me for my sins.

I didn’t consider it a nightmare because when I woke up I had the day off. Also, spiritual progress is typically signified by violent dreams. The most harmless, soft-spoken girls in the meditation group would dream that night–after a full day of meditation–about mowing down people with an Uzi.

I’m not reading anything into it, but I did receive an odd piece of junk mail today, advertising for a good luck cross. Included was this image, which immediately made me think of the old, OLD comics’ joke about how thrilled Christ returning to earth would be to see his followers wearing crosses.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Any Spirit Being is always welcome to get my ass out of a jam. Amen.

More stand-up comedy?

Thursday, 22 January 2009

I did stand-up again last night.

It’s only been 1 year, 4 months, 17 days since the last time I went up.

I rehearsed the most for this one and even got a few laffs.

I realized something last night about stand-up comedy:  I genuinely hate it, yet it’s the only thing I have any talent for doing.

Please take what I have to say next lightly:

I hate crowds, I hate bars and bartenders.  I hate booze, it all burns and tastes like rubbing alcohol and is overpriced.  I hate barmaids and their big or small tits.  I hate tipping.  I hate single women, married women and those in between.  I hate single mothers.  I hate other comics. I hate weakness.  I hate memorizing lines. I hate driving to the club.  I hate not knowing what to wear.  I hate drymouth.  I hate the crowd for being dumb, lapping up the same old shit.  I hate black comics for getting a free pass for being black and loud, not funny.  I hate female comics getting laughs cause some guys might think they have a shot.  I hate couples.  I hate the microphone.  I hate the brick wall.  I hate the spotlights.  I hate the dumbass names of comedy clubs.  I hate the cheesy music.  I hate saxophones.  I hate the MC.  I hate the headliner.  I hate 99% of jokes.  I hate relationships and “just broke up with my girlfriend”.  I hate married humor, fat humor, black humor, drug humor, trendy humor, liberal humor, gay humor.  I hate your sex life.  I hate the PA system.  I hate the front row.  And the back row.  And the middle. I  hate the food runners and club food.   I hate hecklers.  I hate heavy silence.  I hate cheap laughs.  I hate going home alone but more than that I hate leaving home.

I hate comedy and I hate God for only giving me half-a-gift for it.

I hate that this rant is over but it’s time to take a shit.

That’s my time, good night.

Obama crack corn and I don’t care

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Obama comes across as an uninspiring, arrogant phony but I don’t hate him, I almost pity him. I aleady know how the story of the next 4 years goes. Would you like a sneak preview?

Obama enacts Same Old New Deal and expands government’s size and illegitimate power. Economy eventually recovers, taking much longer than it would have if government did nothing. Team Obama takes credit for what the free market did.

OR

Obama enacts Same Old New Deal and expands government’s size and illegitimate power. Economy fails to recover fast enough to people’s liking. The half of the country that didn’t vote for Obama takes up arms. Cleansing begins.

Either scenario is fine with me. You can’t let politics prevent you from enjoying your life, even if your life story includes being swept up in a revolution. No government agency, politician or President has ever brought me prosperity, pussy or anything else. What I want is up to me. How I’ll get it is also up to me.

Due to laziness, there will probabaly be a real civil war or insurrection before I write about a fictional one.

Rant against the drive-by media

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Allow me to repeat myself first: if I had to distill the failure of the Bush presidency to one thing, it would be the bailouts. Though the democrap Congress is as much to blame as Bush, I recall my disgust, watching him practically leap out of his chair to endorse the greatest robbery in the history of the world, without debate or even stopping to think.

Bush had many other faults, there’s no denying it, but it would take a whole other blog running 10 years or more to pick through the mountain of undeserved negative propganda he and his administration suffered, to find and assemble bits of the truth.

Bush hatred was as manufactured and overt by the left-wing mainstream media circus as the Two Minutes Hate was by Big Brother.

And so I hate the drive-by media. With Bush they were ruthless pricks and with Obama, fawning shits. No matter which mode they were in they can’t be regarded as journalists or professionals. I’m glad their “product” is dying, they deserve to die, as McDonald’s or Burger King would if they stopped caring and sold spoiled food.

Here is Rush Limbaugh’s definition of the drive-by media:

Since the media is obviously very, very hurt — the drive-by media now very disturbed — by the title, the term that I have dubbed them, “the drive-by media,” I think, ladies and gentlemen, it would be worthwhile to redefine for you exactly what the drive-by media is. They are exactly like drive-by shooters, they pull up to a congested area, they spray a hail of bullets into the crowd. It causes mass hysteria, confusion, mistakes, and misinterpretation, sometimes people and their careers actually die, and then the drive-by media smirks and they ride away, unnoticed in the excitement. They’re never blamed, they’re never held accountable.

In fact, they’re lauded! They’re held up as heroes (mostly by themselves) and then the rest of us have to engage in mopping up the mess that the drive-by media caused. They’re flying down the highway with the top down, laughing and looking for their next group of victims to hail the bullets and mortar fire into in the form of the way they cover a story, and this is repeated over and over and over. There seems to be no stopping them and their marauding ways, and that’s what I mean by drive-by media.

These drive-by pukes are responsible for Obama getting elected. They shouldn’t get the credit, but as we don’t have an informed populace literate in history, they’ll have to do.

Jeopardy! Hottie 2009 – “Our First Catch of the Day”

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Kori Tyler, supercake schoolteacher from Cordova, TN.

Big rack, sweet/strong voice, smooth perfect skin like a gay baby’s.

Wish I had a picture to share, but there isn’t one up at J-archive and thanks to the planned obsolescence fucktards at Microshaft, a good 80% of freeware and other programs I had on XP do not work on Shitsa, so no screen capture.

Mrs. (dammit) Tyler is probably high on the “TILF” lists of randy high school lads. I suspect she’ll be invited back, because the Final Question on the second and last day of her winning streak was poorly framed.

Where your sorry ass been at?

Thursday, 15 January 2009

The first meatlights post of 2009 and Jan is already half-over, a case of so much happening that nothing has happened.

Things are in motion and this time I’m going with them.

Even without writing for almost a month, meat-hits remain constant because of posts referring to ‘norpography’. I should send Marc Wallace an e-card.

We’re less than a week away from the Obamessiah taking the reigns. I’m betting it will take less than 4 years for the peeps who voted for him to understand why the other half of the country voted against him.

I see no reason to give His Highness “a chance”. If someone stated his intention to jump off a cliff and meant it, I wouldn’t need to see him do it to believe he was nuts. Obama’s laid out his socialist “plan” and it’s an ‘end justifies the means’ thing. You’ll see. Buy a gun if you haven’t already.

As for the other side, I deem the Bush presidency overall to be a failure (this from someone who supports the Iraq War) because of the bailouts, which are inexcusable; it would’ve been better to let the whole fucking thing collapse. Instead of “saving the free market” Bush cut the ribbon on the road leading to tyranny, and now Obama as Grand Marshal begins the march.

My friends, my friends, let me remind you that it wasn’t deregulation, free markets or freedom that caused this mess, it was government, which treats its citizens’ rights and money like a subcompact rental car.

Enough about pollytix.

Hope you’re enjoying the new year. It’s ridiculous that a man-made invention like calendar time has the power to transform people (more like resetting a computer with a virus) but it seems to help, a little.  New Year’s Day is a symbolic bullet in the head of the corpse of Xmas to assure it’s dead.

Blessings to my 3 readers of the non-sex posts and to the tens of people who read the dirty stuff. Here’s to more sex and filth in oh-nine.