Smallville review, Season 8, Episode 2 – “Plastique”

Assuming this is the last season of Smallville, I’ve decided to write mini-reviews for all 22 episodes. They won’t be written in order but later on it won’t matter; we’ll all be dead in 2012 when the asteroid strikes earth.

“Plastique”

Cheap-ass follow-up to the season 8 premiere. An off-camera bus explosion outside the Daily Planet introduces paramedic Davis Bloom, who is really Sam Witwer, the Sith Apprentice from Force Unleashed. Chloe befriends “Bette”, a sassy “15-yr-old” street urchin with Asian eyes who was on the bus (if there’s anything I hate more than women I’m not having sex with, it’s girl-women I’m not having sex with and can go to prison for having sex with). Bette shacks up with Chloe, then, Clark in tow, goes to look for “Tommy”, a suspect who was also on the bus.

Upon seeing Bette, athletic teen Tommy runs away, only to be thwarted by a chain link fence barely taller than him. Bette secretly uses some kind of heat vision and ignites one of a few FLAMMABLE oil drums conveniently stacked nearby. Clark, who can “hear a dog bark 10 miles away” and see bullets moving in slow motion, doesn’t notice what really happened. It’s probably better Tommy got roasted, otherwise his ghost would be pissed off Superman was 20 feet away yet couldn’t save him.

Back at the Planet, Lois announces her plan to get ahold of Tommy’s autopsy report and Clark lopes along after her to remind her how wrong it is to steal and that she’ll go to prison “for years”. (I hate when Clark is dumbed down, which means I’ll be hating a lot of casual moments this season).

Chloe and Davis Sith share a Moment screwing…in a light bulb at the” Isis Foundation”. Could Davis be some sort of new love interest for Chloe? Since Jimmy Olsen proposed at the end of Season 7, the timing is somewhat bad. OR IS IT? At “Metropolis General Hospital”, Lois shows off her arsensal of stolen electronic passcards to a worried Clark, who then runs into the Sith Paramedic.

“Chloe is engaged and I thought you were the engager, Clark!” “No, Bloom, I didn’t know she was engaged.” “Oops. Then don’t tell anyone, gotta go!”

According to the “medical” report, Tommy had a long rap sheet (!!!) but the barrel shrapnel from the explosion went toward him, not away! OMFG! Tommy was innocent and Chloe, Lois informs us with a “joke” 10-years too late, is babysitting “Psycho Spice”!

Meanwhile, Chloe and the Firestarter/Jailbait discuss “Black Creek”, the Lex-made prison-lab for people with powers where Chloe was captured last week but Bette was kept in for 3 years. (It should be noted here, for no reason at all, that while hot, Bette has a very annoying, shaky voice, which she uses to announce she’s going to silence Chloe with death).

Chloe runs and Clark arrives just in time to deflect Bette’s fire-eye-balls, thus completing this episode’s single minute total of special effects. After the commercial break, some flashing red/blue cop lights on the outside wall of Chloe’s loft explain that Bette has now been taken away to “Belle Reve”. This makes no sense since less than 5 mintues ago Bette was freaking out about The Authorities chasing and capturing her and has proven her willingness to kill people who help her, much les random strangers.

Tess “Cat Eyes” Mercer meets up with Bette in a green-glowing cage and invites her to join a team of others with powers, so either we’ll see Bette again later this season or we won’t.

Chloe calls Davis Unleashed but he can’t come to the phone, since he’s naked and curled into a ball in an alley! What the hell’s going on here?

And that’s that.


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