Dexter should’ve ended with Season 7

Season 7 of Dexter ended one month ago.

Here’s how badly the writers fucked up: Deb should’ve shot Dexter and the series should’ve ended this season. I would’ve been cool with that.

This is far from an in-depth analysis, I’ll just throw some things out there.

Detective Joesph “Pretty Boy” Quinn: I like Quinn. At first I thought his “romance” with the dancer was dumb and just served the plot, and I was correct, it wasn’t at all believable. At the end of an episode last season Quinn is shown mournfully dog-banging some bimbo at least as hot as the dancer, so his “falling” for the foreign dancer rang false; he’s just not a guy who would ever be desperate for pussy. From a certain point of view, one could argue that Quinn was merely seeking a more meaningful relationship, but after his dalliance with Deb, it would be far more likely he would pursue/seek out another broad with Deb’s demeanor, who “thinks like a dude” without being a dude. Deb is smart, the dancer was/is a dumbass.

I will be insulted if Jaime hooks up with Quinn. Yep, here at Dexter Inc. we’re too lazy and cheap to hire another actor, so we’ll just hook these two up. Convenience!

Isaac Sirkos: an average and somewhat early ending to a plot that went nowhere. Compared to how seemingly high-ranked he was, the mob disowned him way too soon.

Batista: He’s just background noise they’re keeping around to have something awful happen to next season (besides possibly mourning LaGuerta). Though he makes it to retirement, the idea that he’s both running a restaurant and being a cop, even for a short time, just wasn’t realistic. You could do one job well and the other badly, or both badly, but not both properly. Also, with the “mysterious” death of Iron Eagle, this is the SECOND time Batista has heard shots fired out of sequence against the official story (the first time was Doakes versus the Haitian ex-soldier under the pier) and been duped or agreed to be duped.

Hannah aka Blondie McPoisoner. The whole story arc was handled illogically and ended badly. Blondie said it herself: she doesn’t make mistakes. If that were true, then Deb would be dead from a proper overdose of Deb’s meds plus some aconite for good measure. Also, if Hannah were smart, she’d have killed off Arlene long ago. She had a reason to kill off Arlene for being a loose thread, whereas she had NO good reason to kill off her boss, the previous owner of the nursery. Now she’s escaped (“That’s some mighty fine police work there, Lou”) and is running about but, dead or alive, her character is done, even if she comes back to kill Deb or some such nonsense.

The Main Event: Within the Dexterverse, there’s just too much shit to ever make another season work. Bringing Matthews on board ensured there was no tidy wrap-up. BTW, does anyone believe Matthews wouldn’t have already gotten his full pension from a forced retirement? Government is government, short-changing him would all but promise he expose his own “crime” in order to embarrass the department, the very thing the department was trying to avoid by firing him.

The series really ended when LaGuerta arrested Dexter and brought him to the station, spilling the beans. How many minds will be cast in doubt, even among the extras? For fuck’s sake, these are detectives, right? Isn’t a huge part of their job to entertain theories? Whatever tableaux Dexter arranged with LaGuerta’s corpse, there are still too many loose ends:

LaGuerta’s pending warrants for Deb and Dex’s cellphones
AND the survelliance photos of Deb buying gasoline,
AND Deb requesting LaGuerta’s “20” via a call to Miami Metro,
AND Matthews with nothing better to do but dwell on the case,
AND Masuka restudying the evidence locker,
AND a Batista-in-mourning snooping around,
AND, though they haven’t shown it (yet) LaGuerta would have kept a journal or log or something noting events and evidence as well as her theories and thoughts…

All this is in addition to Deb who is now a zombie.

There’s really nowhere to go from here. As stated in one of the final Season 7 episodes, Dexter won’t be running, either with or without Deb, as that would be unacceptable.

There’s yet ANOTHER problem, having to do with the Dexterverse versus our world. Dexter Morgan has a huge, loyal following in real life. Killing him off at the end of Season 8, done as a kind of karmic “rebalancing” to the universe is a bullshit “Crime Doesn’t Pay” ending that will satisfy no one, yet after killing off LaGuerta, it seems all of the good he’s done has been for nothing.

It’s a sad, sick feeling, realizing somehow we’ve arrived at a point where it would be equally ridiculous for Dexter to live OR die.

Season 8 can wait.

Deb should’ve shot Dexter and the series should’ve ended this season. I would’ve been cool with that.

One more very last thing: if, at the start of Season 8, LaGuerta is somehow alive and chained up like Doakes, and Blondie McPoisoner kills her off so she and Dex can be together (a la Lila) I’m going to turn into Dexter myself and put each of the show’s writers on MY table, one at a time.

 

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