(I tried making this post “Private” because I felt like it. It didn’t work, people could still read it, [turdpress FTW!] so here it is, no different. Please worship Satan).
Dear Stephanie, (MAY I call you Stephanie)?
As your character “FLO” from the Progressive commercials gains notoriety, I’d like to say that I think you’re the spun sugar in cotton candy and remind you that all of your other male admirers are gay.
Only I see/saw through the FLO character’s heavy makeup, lipstick and stylish sex-hair to the ebullient soul that is You hiding within the role, swaying like a flower floating in ginger ale.
I just want you to know that if we ever meet really soon, and things went so great that we’re in my room playing strip chess, I’d never demand you dress as the FLO character as part of our bedroom role-playing, because that’s a little too forward right after getting your autograph. These things take time, like waiting for Mother to go out of town so we can have the house to ourselves, you and me, forever!
That said, I eagerly await the next Progressive commercial starring you as FLO, joyously hawking insurance, which everybody needs just like they need…love.
Love,
Meat
P.S. You’re so cute you shit kittens. Please find them a good home!
Originally titled “The Ponytail Man”, the name of this post has been changed to reflect the more popular name for this absurd historical character. 14 APR 14
Apologies to the few who already read this post. I never thought to youtube the Ponytail Guy, whose purported name was “Denton Walthall”.
I put this up so that people who initially remember Denton the Ponytail Guy from a “town hall” meeting will have a slightly easier time finding or referencing him. Very likely the Ponytail Guy (aka Ponytailed Loser, Ponytailed Asshole, Ponytailed Mamaluke, Ponytailed Chooch) was an audience plant working for the Taxocrats.
The Second Clinton-Bush-Perot Presidential Debate (First Half)
This takes place in the first half of the Richmond debate. The October 15th “town hall” format debate was moderated by Carole Simpson.
PONYTAILED LOSER: And forgive the notes here but I’m shy on camera.
The focus of my work as a domestic mediator is meeting the needs of the children that I work with, by way of their parents, and not the wants of their parents. And I ask the three of you, how can we, as symbolically the children of the future president, expect the two of you, the three of you to meet our needs, the needs in housing and in crime and you name it, as opposed to the wants of your political spin doctors and your political parties?
SIMPSON: So your question is?
PONYTAILED LOSER: Can we focus on the issues and not the personalities and the mud? I think there’s a need, if we could take a poll here with the folks from Gallup perhaps, I think there’s a real need here to focus at this point on the needs.
(After Bush 41 and Clinton both idiotically agree)
PONYTAILED LOSER: Could we cross our hearts? It sounds silly here but could we make a commitment? You know, we’re not under oath at this point but could you make a commitment to the citizens of the US to meet our needs, and we have many, and not yours again? I repeat that. It’s a real need, I think, that we all have.
I’m ashamed to admit that way back in ’92 while I watched this live, I believed in what the Ponytailed Plant was saying, his begging our would-be leaders for assistance that, per the Constitution, he was not entitled to receive and they were not entitled to give him. It was the naivety of youth that made me believe this gross display of spinelessness was worthy of a free people, or that it would have any heart-softening effects on men (and women) the Constitution was put in place to protect us from. In answering this simpering hippie doofus, George Bush Sr., perhaps not understanding how stupid and outrageous the Ponytailed questions were, totally shit the cot. Perot did only marginally better. Only Chill Clinton seemed prepared to soothe the poor long-haired “child” in a convincing manner.To the best of my knowledge (a few dozen Google searches) Ponytail Guy has never been heard from again, suggesting he was indeed an audience plant to make Slick Willie look good.That was then. Today there’s less need for audience plants; the useful idiots of the mainstream media have given up all objectivity and are the direct descendants of Ponytail Man, existing only to make the Taxocrats look good. Today you are instructed to vote for Obamarx, the latest loving father who promises to take care of you, the infants.
Passion and shame torment him, and rage is mingled with his grief. - Virgil
The writer is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. These feelings just don't involve anybody else. --bastardized
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