Posts Tagged ‘cine-turd’

More like Clovershit

Saturday, 19 January 2008

Because I have a worthless inner ear that makes me seasick at the slightest provocation (I feel queasy for hours even after watching something like this for less than a minute.) there’s no way I could sit through Cloverfield, which is done with the same herky-jerk “real-time” camerawork as Blair Witch.

Cloverfield reviews are mixed, leaning toward “weak”. The whole thing seems a waste of time.

The Statue of Liberty being decapitated seems small potatoes compared to 9/11. As it is, in fact, a statue, the “horror” is lost on me.

Why would I, a poor blue collar semi-genius/semi-idiot, give a damn about characters that are stupid shallow NYC yuppies more impossibly perfect than even real yuppies? I would hope they all die, they mean nothing.

There’s no reason for a monster to attack land, is there? A creature with only animal intelligence would not waste time smashing buildings, instead squeezing through them to get somewhere, probably back to the water (some kind of “anteater” type creature that vacuumed up humans with a snout…that would be more plausible than another Godzilla).

And does it matter how big you make the monster when we have the military firepower to reduce it to a blob of greasy ash?

Cloverfield is not for me.