Posts Tagged ‘elbow sex’

Rape Whitney on Last Comic Standing

Saturday, 31 May 2008

One of the nice things about losing your mind is the new reality is funnier and more interesting than the regular.

I got halfway through an article called ‘How To Make a Bow Tie For Porn’ before snapping out of it. It didn’t read “porn” but “prom” (a spinning bowtie for porn would’ve been funnier).

I missed the first episode of Last Comic Standing but caught this week’s. They’re pomping the Hinda Pie-alot but hell, at least the ad is amusing. They put 10 comics (not all at once) in the passenger seat of the Hinda and all season long, you rate them online.

This week’s comic was Whitney Cummings, a name that’s porn-ready should she fail, except I swore the TV screen’s fine print read RAPE Whitney, not ‘rate’ Whitney. Either way: Winner!

The rest of LCS was meh. There are three red ticket-winning comics worth watching:

Cabbie Guy: I’ll know his name next week, but if you saw him you know who I’m talking about. The NYC cabbie “type” with the pancake English driving cap, cigar and fluffy muttonchops. He painfully referred to himself as a loser every time the camera was on him.

Bob Biggerstaff: porn-ready name but a fat guy with glasses. Funnier than Drew Carey but we’ll see. Last year he didn’t get a ticket.

Andi Smith: made it last year to final 20 or 10. I have a crush on the gawky-tall, pale, pony-tailed, caustic redhead with a wide mouth. I don’t think she can ever win LCS because she’s a gawky-tall, pale, pony-tailed, caustic redhead with a wide mouth. But she’s on TV, getting the SMITH name out there in the world. What’s great about a woman like that is while you’re having sex with her you’re fantasizing about talking to her afterward and laughing. You can’t say that about 99.99% of women.

A lot of these damned comics are perfect for who they are and what they do; the problem isn’t them but the nature of a comedic competition for the crowd’s love. Comics are mirrors and pretty people are lust objects; people would rather look at lust objects than in mirrors.

One more thing: not to give riceburning cars any more face time here at meatlights, but a second commercial airing during LCS shows the Hinda Pie-alot encountering a prematurely-landed air balloon lying across the road with an old naked White guy in the basket.

When a second White guy pops up (what was he doing below eye level?) the First Commandment of Politically Correct Television is invoked and an old Black Token pops up at the same time as WG2 and unnecessarily explains, “We’re nudists.”

I find this Black tokenism patronizing. And it’s everywhere! I can’t even watch American History X without a Black guy getting in the way (stomp stomp).

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