F*ck off Toyota and f*ck you, little sh;t

I hate this obnoxious character, “Nathan James” and I hate all kids with “wild” hair.

The thrust of these ads is that the new Toyota Highlander is a cool vehicle, as opposed to “dorky”.  Had no idea this was so important to consumers.  Forget quality, mileage, handling and price, what I want to know upfront is if this is a vehicle my 9-year-old son thinks is cool!

As usual, the Father is made to look like a hapless, clueless ass. Is it good business sense to insult one-half of your prospective consumer base?

Do the geniuses at Toyota know that ‘dork’ is slang for prick, cock, penis, lingam, etc?

This is not a case of,  “Back in my day, children were respectful.”  This is a case of Fuck Off, Idiots.

poetry cornered: “At the strip club”

Tits, asses, elbows, necks.

Women are women.

I’ve got nothing more to say
to any of them, while they have never had
anything to say
at all.

Dance around the pole, Lucite high-heels kicking through a litter of dollars.

Fat Asian loser, Fat Indian loser, Fat White crewcut loser. Bashful smiles of nerd losers, blushing redder than the hideous lights.

The vagina always looks like something half-finished and who’s to blame for that? The gaping asshole nearby.

I wonder what they clean it with.

(The pole, not the hole).

Stripper Windex?

I try to smell women over the music. Nothing.

Their skin is so smooth,
like wetsuits without zippers.

Red lights, blue lights, yellow lights, green lights, the music one big thumping seizure. Why has no one ever killed the DJ?

Too many tattoos, too many hair extensions, too many hard drugs, too many one-year-olds at home.

Souls like pancakes soaked in ketchup.

Take the fucking dollar
and get lost.

Jeopardy! blues online

Editor’s note:  this post is from January of 2008.

I got my ass handed to me by the Jeopardy! online test yesterday.

The test was 50 questions total with 10 seconds to answer each. You had to type in each answer, but not in the form of a question and not with perfect spelling.

I would be surprised if I got 20 questions correct. We’ll never know because you don’t receive your score, just a note indicating whether you passed or failed.

My assumption is that ever since trivia prick Ken Jennings became the first Jeopardy! millionaire, the number of eggheads, poindexters, dweebs, nerds, brains, bookworms, quarks, swotters, know-it-alls, idiot savantes, tenure-less profs and grad students trying to get on the show has grown exponentially.

There are probably thousands of people who took the online test who got every single question right, thus when my rejection email arrives soon it won’t be a shock at all.

I don’t give a shit, I’d rather just win the state lottery, it’s near-effortless.