Posts Tagged ‘fucked’

America 1776-2008

Monday, 19 November 2012

The best way to enjoy this post is with this tune playing in the background.  I listen to it whenever I read the news.

Carl Panzram was a most unpleasant human being. As his noose was being prepared, he said, “I wish the entire human race had one neck, and I had my hands around it!”

I feel the same way about anyone who voted for the purple-lipped kenyan, only instead of one neck I wish it was one face I could slap the shit out of for a solid hour. You have no inkling of how badly you have fucked over your country and yourselves, and in the years to come, you would be wise to never admit you voted for the prick even once.

Of course, the problem with the years to come is that you will never piece the puzzle together on why things got so bad for you, and should you glimpse the terrible truth, a thousand voices are already working hard to make sure you doubt what you see and blame your suffering on the milktoast motherfuckers who aren’t/weren’t even in power during the fall.

Words fail me. I’m still in shock. You skin voters or welfare voters or what-have-you have done the equivalent of voting for another 9-11. I keep waiting for the scientitians at the Hard-on Collider to announce they have a wormhole open for anyone who wants to gets their ass over to the parallel universe where Rombot won.

But I don’t want to tarry on the subject. Periodically senility overtakes history, tyrants gain the upper hand and nations fall. America had a decent run, we got more shit done in our historical eyeblink than Rome did in one thousand years.

I constantly remind myself these days that it’s not my job to overly give a shit about the fate of America or the world.  The choice has been made for the rest of us:  by fools.  As I say often, without a hint of irony, “I look forward to death.” It always gets a laugh.  It should, I’ve practiced saying it until my timing is perfect.





Fucked over…by the Dollar Store

Monday, 26 January 2009

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A true impulse buy, I yanked this DVD off the rack and slid it down the Dollar Store’s checkout conveyor belt like a beer down the gnarled bar in an old western. I did it as stolidly as I could, like I didn’t give a damn, knowing if the “instructional vid” was any good, I’d be putting that dollar to good use later in the evening. I know it seems kind of idiotic to waste a dollar on this, when yottabytes of n0rpography await for FREE online, but sometimes you just want to keep things classy. And no, I’m not ashamed in the slightest that the tear you see across the girl’s stomach was from me eagerly ripping open the package instead of finding scissors.

Well, I did get fucked, but in the raw, metaphorical sense, because Blondie’s sole appearance on this DVD was the cover. Featured ON the DVD was this lass:

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On the plus side, Sweet Nancy here has a slim but “TIGHT little body”, as my friend Wells would say in the 90s. But while I would readily swear in a court of law that Nancy has made her body the healthiest and best-looking it can be, alas, the lass is only half-full and regrettably NOT the Blondie on the cover, dancing and splashing on an exotic beach, performing a pseudo-workout.

In order for me to feel like I got my money’s worth, the real Nancy would have to show up and fuck me until my head exploded like “Belloq” at the end of Radiers of the Lost Ark.

Life is risk. Back to the yottabytes for me.