Posts Tagged ‘golden voice’

The bum with the golden voice

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

I’m not in a charitable mood.  The story of the bum with the golden voice went from 5 seconds of getting choked up to who-gives-a-fuck.  He recorded a commercial for Kraft Macaroni & Cheese which may or may not air during the Super Bowl.  It’s surreal, in a counterfeit way.  I’m sure the bum was paid more than I make in two months for that bullshit.

The bum is still humble for now; only a matter of time and money (and pussy) before some gopher in the recording studio–LUCKY to be working in the field–is sprinting to get the bum another $15 bottle of purified tap water, or else. Actually that’s happening now.

The bum is back on top of the Abrams tank of capitalism instead of under the treads like so many.  Another newsie story had him arguing with his daughter in an LA hotel, loudly enough for the police to be called.  No arrests.

There was something that originally drove the bum with the golden voice to drink and drug and I suspect he’s fast remembering what it was.

The bum says he’s been clean for two years, referring to drugs and alk, but the truth is no one is clean, he’s back in the same slaughterhouse of deadlines and responsibilities.  The newness and fame is waning and it’s time to go back to work.  Welcome back!  Isn’t it better to be the handle than the bristle end of the toilet brush?

O Golden Voiced One, we need more commercials, more relentless voices to chip away at the last bit of cobalt-colored sanity in our brains.  Does Macaroni and Cheese even need to advertise?  Jesus Fucking Christ.