Dexter’s Series Finale

I’ve waited this long to address the series finale of Dexter. 

Normally “laziness” would be the #1 reason why but in this case it’s such a POS (piece of shit) ending it’s not worth even this bit of commentary.

I have no interest in proving how valid my theory is on why it ended on such a sour note, but here it is:

You have a series where the two leads–playing brother and sister in the Dexterverse–MARRY and DIVORCE in real life.

Carpenter has been a pretty good sport about the whole thing, but she’s also fed up with being typecast as Deb, a character she’s played for almost ten years, and done so well that people on the street call her Deb.

It was Carpenter who’d had enough, who demanded Deb be killed off. She didn’t want a Dexter feature film two years later, didn’t want anything to do with it, and so Hall, who probably also had enough, agreed to the shitty ending. According to the wiki, they knew what the ending would be even before Season 7 started.

That’s pretty much it.

I still love Dexter and simply forget Season 8 ever took place.

No time to stall, the Dexter finale is days away

Last week’s penultimate episode of Dexter was in the spirit of this entire season, which is laziness. When actors act like people who’ve read the script instead of characters in real situations, all tension is lost.

As an overall point to the stupidity of this season, why is it important that Dexter leave the country WITH Blondie McPoisoner, creating a far easier target to catch?  Why not send her away immediately and have Dex casually join her, say, two months later?  Because that would defeat the tension, which still ended up a deflated balloon in lieu of nothing.

When Elway returns the rest of Deb’s things, she kicks him out but is not smart enough to OPEN THE FUCKING BAG and check for bugs or other recording devices. Instead of going to the bedroom where Blondie McPoisoner hid, Blondie runs out into the living room with windows on every side. Glad they read the script and therefore knew Elway wouldn’t jump back around the corner and look inside, or be watching the house with binocs.

When it’s decided that Blondie will stay at a hotel (FINALLY) why does it have to be a hotel near the airport? Those are the first places Marshal Windblown Hair and Elway would check. Of course, it didn’t help that Deb and Blondie have one last heartfelt IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL and Blondie’s not wearing anything–not even a ballcap–to disguise herself.

Dexter not killing Saxon? WTF is this idiocy? To make it even more embarrassing, Dex says something like, “You’ll die, but in the electric chair.” In Florida, the electric chair was replaced by lethal injection in 2000 (though it can still be requested).

One more time:  Dexter not killing Saxon? WTF IS THIS IDIOCY!  If you had a chance to kill someone who had threatened your entire family, would you leave it up to the fucking courts to take care of them?

Marshal Windblown Hair got killed by Saxon?  If the good Marshal was just that, and a new manhunt for Saxon had just been announced by the media, wouldn’t Marshal Hair have a police radio in his car, what with being in law enforcement and all?  If not that, wouldn’t his cell phone immediately light up? Modern cell phones are connected to the Emergency Alert System for weather warnings. So Marshall Hair’s phone has nothing?

Unlike the last few weeks, I watched the coming attractions for this Sunday’s finale. Didn’t care too much and am not going to look for clues on how it all ends, though I read somewhere that Jennifer Carpenter wanted Deb to die.

Dexter hasn’t purely been Dexter since Season 4.  Dexter should not have changed so much over the seasons, but what’s done is done. Guess we’ll all have to go back to our lives.

Dexter has feelins now. What more can be said?

This final disappointing season of Dexter is still better than most everything on TV. Complaints are many: bringing Blondie McPoisoner back was stupid, Harrison’s a little asshole, Vogel is stupid (or rather was) and Dexter’s feelins are as unlikely as an amputee regrowing a limb; he’s devolved into a sentimental idiot by a story arc that has phoned it in all season just to get to the ending. It’s surprising how there’s no buildup or suspense this close to the end.

Let’s just go topic by topic.

Blondie McPoisoner:  I know it’s a TV show, but if you were an escaped convict blonde hottie ‘the entire state’ was hunting, wouldn’t you wear unflattering, baggy clothing and cut off your hair or dye it black? That’s bad enough, but in scene after scene, Blondie’s posed in front of windows great and small in broad daylight. Even when Deb comes in from the beach and warns Clayton was just here questioning her, Blondie barely reacts. That’s laziness, reacting as actors who know the script instead of acting like real characters.

Vogel: one of the major problems is they really didn’t know what to do with Vogel after intro-ing her. Her dumbest ideas–suggesting Zach be taught The Code or trying to reform her son–rang the most true, as mental health professionals know the least about human nature. For me, Vogel’s believability as a character ended earlier in the season with her staying in the same house long after the original Brain Surgeon knew she was there and even attacked her there.

Vogel’s son Daniel: (and likely Dexter’s future killer) has Hitler hair and dead eyes. I never bought the emotional connection by Vogel for this monster, but even less convincing is why Daniel would seek acceptance or approval from Vogel? He didn’t need her to “show him how to live” as he had already done so successfully for decades, and sociopaths can’t feel love (too-late note to the writers: sociopaths can’t feel anything).

The writers needed him around, I guess, for a final showdown with Dexter. Convenience over logic.

It’s simply not believable Vogel would go from begging Dexter not to kill Daniel numerous times to having a complete change of heart after watching two seconds of video of Daniel killing Zach.

Vogel, not Dexter, had the best chance of killing her idiot son; should have shot the fucker when he came around for tea, as he never would’ve expected it. Her *coughcough* untimely murder was also out of character: she went as a lamb to the slaughter whereas with the Brain Surgeon she used a surprising number of psychological tricks to fight back and buy time.

So how will Dexter end? Probably not in a satisfying way.  Vogel would have had immense resources at her disposal in smuggling Blondie out of the country without Dexter’s immediate aid, but not now, of course.

If Dexter dies, most fans will simply forget it happened, just like they forgot the Star Wars prequels happened.

Two more eps to go. There will either be a shock ending, or some Argentinian serial killer will awaken cursing in Spanish before the final curtain.

Dexter Season 8 is Great!

Well, here we are, one-third through the final season of Dexter. I’d no idea the series had begun, then caught up in one fell swoop. So far it’s enjoyable, the ‘worst’ season of Dexter is still better than 99% of the schlock out there and for me Dexter has no bad season.

I confess my assessment of Season 7  was rather harsh. Season 8 has ‘solved’ most of the logical problems presented at the end of Season 7 with little asides. Somehow Matthews is back at work, Masuka may or may not have a sperm-donor daughter (with eyes as soulful yet haunting as his) to keep him occupied, Batista glazed over dead-and-gone La Guerta’s files, actually finding the search warrants for both Deb and Dex among her things and tossing them aside (is he still running the damned restaurant)?

Hannah aka Blondie McPoisoner is still out there. There’s enough going on that her return is unnecessary.

I’d written at the start of this year: I will be insulted if Jaime hooks up with Quinn. Yep, here at Dexter Inc. we’re too lazy and cheap to hire another actor, so we’ll just hook these two up. Convenience!

Observing them interact in Season 8, I stand by my original statement. Having these two characters meet cute IS convenient for the writers, as it gives sidelined Batista something to do and a way to create a flimsy triangle of ‘tension’ between Deb, Quinn and Jaime.

For Quinn, a seasoned older ‘player’, to be in a relationship with Jaime is farcical. Quinn goes through girls her age like Kleenex, and after being with Deb, a fellow cop and cursing male fantasy, Jaime is just window dressing. (Off the subject, am I the only one who thinks Quinn looks terrible this season? Like the actor is doing heavy drugs and drinking in real life)?

I like Dr. Vogel (or as various characters refer to her, simply “Vogel”). Charlotte Rampling brings some dignity and class to the series and steals every scene. I would enjoy being in a menage à AARP with her and Helen Mirren.

Season 8’s story arc is engaging so far. Bringing in Vogel was a stroke of genius. Her reveal to Dexter that she created Harry’s Code brings an epic feeling back to the series and somewhat atones for turning Dexter’s character from serial killer to plain vigilante the last few seasons. (The use by Vogel of the term ‘psychopath’ makes me cringe. Using it to sell her books is logical but it’s not a definition used by the medical community). Deb’s erratic behavior has made for some entertaining moments but thankfully Vogel is there at least attempting to help her, otherwise Deb would be exhausting to keep up with.

Dexter is, well, Dexter. Without Michael C. Hall’s genius, the series would have fizzled years ago. Loyalty to and sympathy for Dexter/Hall from fans remains at an all-time high.

I’m glad I waited until watching episode 4 before writing this review, because my only real complaint with the show, and not just this season, is the lack of electronic surveillance on Dexter’s part. As proven last episode, hidden cameras are the number one enemy of plots in the Dexterverse.

Think about it: if Dexter had installed hidden cameras in his apartment before or even after the Ice Truck Killer left a doll’s head in his freezer, he would have seen Biney’s face before Season 1 was halfway over.

Now, in Season 8, Vogel is inexplicably staying in the same dwelling even though The Brain Surgeon has delivered THREE separate packages. Aside from the insanity of her continuing to stay there, a hidden camera on Vogel’s stoop would have made Dexter’s life a lot easier, huh?

SPECULATION AHEAD.

I would gamble that Vogel will reveal herself to be a psychopath by the end of Episode 8. It’s entirely possible she will try to kill Deb or give her up to The Brain Surgeon, so Dexter won’t be distracted by anything but getting revenge. Batista or even Matthews could get curious about La Guerta again.  As for the series’ ending, it would be better not to kill Dexter off.  Stay Tuned.

 

 

 

Dexter should’ve ended with Season 7

Season 7 of Dexter ended one month ago.

Here’s how badly the writers fucked up: Deb should’ve shot Dexter and the series should’ve ended this season. I would’ve been cool with that.

This is far from an in-depth analysis, I’ll just throw some things out there.

Detective Joesph “Pretty Boy” Quinn: I like Quinn. At first I thought his “romance” with the dancer was dumb and just served the plot, and I was correct, it wasn’t at all believable. At the end of an episode last season Quinn is shown mournfully dog-banging some bimbo at least as hot as the dancer, so his “falling” for the foreign dancer rang false; he’s just not a guy who would ever be desperate for pussy. From a certain point of view, one could argue that Quinn was merely seeking a more meaningful relationship, but after his dalliance with Deb, it would be far more likely he would pursue/seek out another broad with Deb’s demeanor, who “thinks like a dude” without being a dude. Deb is smart, the dancer was/is a dumbass.

I will be insulted if Jaime hooks up with Quinn. Yep, here at Dexter Inc. we’re too lazy and cheap to hire another actor, so we’ll just hook these two up. Convenience!

Isaac Sirkos: an average and somewhat early ending to a plot that went nowhere. Compared to how seemingly high-ranked he was, the mob disowned him way too soon.

Batista: He’s just background noise they’re keeping around to have something awful happen to next season (besides possibly mourning LaGuerta). Though he makes it to retirement, the idea that he’s both running a restaurant and being a cop, even for a short time, just wasn’t realistic. You could do one job well and the other badly, or both badly, but not both properly. Also, with the “mysterious” death of Iron Eagle, this is the SECOND time Batista has heard shots fired out of sequence against the official story (the first time was Doakes versus the Haitian ex-soldier under the pier) and been duped or agreed to be duped.

Hannah aka Blondie McPoisoner. The whole story arc was handled illogically and ended badly. Blondie said it herself: she doesn’t make mistakes. If that were true, then Deb would be dead from a proper overdose of Deb’s meds plus some aconite for good measure. Also, if Hannah were smart, she’d have killed off Arlene long ago. She had a reason to kill off Arlene for being a loose thread, whereas she had NO good reason to kill off her boss, the previous owner of the nursery. Now she’s escaped (“That’s some mighty fine police work there, Lou”) and is running about but, dead or alive, her character is done, even if she comes back to kill Deb or some such nonsense.

The Main Event: Within the Dexterverse, there’s just too much shit to ever make another season work. Bringing Matthews on board ensured there was no tidy wrap-up. BTW, does anyone believe Matthews wouldn’t have already gotten his full pension from a forced retirement? Government is government, short-changing him would all but promise he expose his own “crime” in order to embarrass the department, the very thing the department was trying to avoid by firing him.

The series really ended when LaGuerta arrested Dexter and brought him to the station, spilling the beans. How many minds will be cast in doubt, even among the extras? For fuck’s sake, these are detectives, right? Isn’t a huge part of their job to entertain theories? Whatever tableaux Dexter arranged with LaGuerta’s corpse, there are still too many loose ends:

LaGuerta’s pending warrants for Deb and Dex’s cellphones
AND the survelliance photos of Deb buying gasoline,
AND Deb requesting LaGuerta’s “20” via a call to Miami Metro,
AND Matthews with nothing better to do but dwell on the case,
AND Masuka restudying the evidence locker,
AND a Batista-in-mourning snooping around,
AND, though they haven’t shown it (yet) LaGuerta would have kept a journal or log or something noting events and evidence as well as her theories and thoughts…

All this is in addition to Deb who is now a zombie.

There’s really nowhere to go from here. As stated in one of the final Season 7 episodes, Dexter won’t be running, either with or without Deb, as that would be unacceptable.

There’s yet ANOTHER problem, having to do with the Dexterverse versus our world. Dexter Morgan has a huge, loyal following in real life. Killing him off at the end of Season 8, done as a kind of karmic “rebalancing” to the universe is a bullshit “Crime Doesn’t Pay” ending that will satisfy no one, yet after killing off LaGuerta, it seems all of the good he’s done has been for nothing.

It’s a sad, sick feeling, realizing somehow we’ve arrived at a point where it would be equally ridiculous for Dexter to live OR die.

Season 8 can wait.

Deb should’ve shot Dexter and the series should’ve ended this season. I would’ve been cool with that.

One more very last thing: if, at the start of Season 8, LaGuerta is somehow alive and chained up like Doakes, and Blondie McPoisoner kills her off so she and Dex can be together (a la Lila) I’m going to turn into Dexter myself and put each of the show’s writers on MY table, one at a time.

 

Seepage

Attempting to write anything of substance is futile when the bad news comes faster than the twitters of a coked-up OCD-enjoyer (that’s right–enjoyer--OCD folks are too busy to suffer).

I like the saying that, ‘it will take 4 years for the people who voted for Maobama to understand why the other half of the country voted against him’ except I don’t think we’ll make it a whole year before something collapses.

I had nothing to my name before this “sudden crisis”, no property and no stocks. Now it seems, once again, everyone is trying to emulate me, even if they don’t want to. I’d say it’s depressing except I already enjoy depression.

You must understand that if The Kenyan and the entire cast of fools in DC were beamed up by benevolent aliens and then beamed into the sun, the nightmare would not end. Half the country thinks they are owed a living from the other half by the virtue of merely existing. There is just as much to fear from the other side as a tyrannical government.

I try not to let it get me down but if you care at all, it will seep in. Learn to accept it. Countries rise and countries fall.

America in REAL Jeopardy!

Got a few more hits than usual lately, most of them for Jeopardy! posts.

The online test came and went in my timezone; I never bothered to register.

I have other things to immediately focus on like the scheduled death of a beloved pet, a brutal early morning work schedule and now the second wave of government theft that went through today, the Economic Scamulus Bull, courtesy of Black Commie and His Merry Band of Jackass Marxists.

The “Stimulus” is a payoff to the commies and thugs that put Obamarx in office. If you voted for this radical thug because you thought he was better than Gramps McCain, you’re in for a nasty surprise the rest of us knew was coming. Don’t think for a minute you’re going to benefit from Thugbama’s ‘generosity’ to his cronies using your money. Not a single job will be created and no part of the economy will recover because of anything demonshits do. The only thing the socialists could do to save the free market they despise is slash taxes and freeze government spending, and Hell would freeze over twice before the latter happened.

Guns. Bloodshed. War in the streets. It’s coming. You’ve got one half of the country wanting to do things the way that’s worked for nearly two centuries and the other half demanding a clone of euro-socialist ineptitude on American soil, spreading the wealth at gunpoint via federal leviathan, the EXACT thing the Founding Fathers feared.

Bush’s Presidency was mostly a failure because of the bailouts. He cut the ribbon on the road to tyranny and made it easy for born-in-Kenya Obama to slink in and start the shitball rolling with the Scamulus Bull. At the time of this writing, I’m proud not a single Republican has voted for it, though this current crop is just as likely to give in tomorrow.

There’s going to be a revolution whether people are ready or not. There’s no FUCKING way patriots are going to put up with 4 years of this.

Rant against the drive-by media

Allow me to repeat myself first: if I had to distill the failure of the Bush presidency to one thing, it would be the bailouts. Though the democrap Congress is as much to blame as Bush, I recall my disgust, watching him practically leap out of his chair to endorse the greatest robbery in the history of the world, without debate or even stopping to think.

Bush had many other faults, there’s no denying it, but it would take a whole other blog running 10 years or more to pick through the mountain of undeserved negative propganda he and his administration suffered, to find and assemble bits of the truth.

Bush hatred was as manufactured and overt by the left-wing mainstream media circus as the Two Minutes Hate was by Big Brother.

And so I hate the drive-by media. With Bush they were ruthless pricks and with Obama, fawning shits. No matter which mode they were in they can’t be regarded as journalists or professionals. I’m glad their “product” is dying, they deserve to die, as McDonald’s or Burger King would if they stopped caring and sold spoiled food.

Here is Rush Limbaugh’s definition of the drive-by media:

Since the media is obviously very, very hurt — the drive-by media now very disturbed — by the title, the term that I have dubbed them, “the drive-by media,” I think, ladies and gentlemen, it would be worthwhile to redefine for you exactly what the drive-by media is. They are exactly like drive-by shooters, they pull up to a congested area, they spray a hail of bullets into the crowd. It causes mass hysteria, confusion, mistakes, and misinterpretation, sometimes people and their careers actually die, and then the drive-by media smirks and they ride away, unnoticed in the excitement. They’re never blamed, they’re never held accountable.

In fact, they’re lauded! They’re held up as heroes (mostly by themselves) and then the rest of us have to engage in mopping up the mess that the drive-by media caused. They’re flying down the highway with the top down, laughing and looking for their next group of victims to hail the bullets and mortar fire into in the form of the way they cover a story, and this is repeated over and over and over. There seems to be no stopping them and their marauding ways, and that’s what I mean by drive-by media.

These drive-by pukes are responsible for Obama getting elected. They shouldn’t get the credit, but as we don’t have an informed populace literate in history, they’ll have to do.

Government Proudly Sucks, or Tiers of rage as I weep for cake

American government these days is like watching a 10-tiered wedding cake on a table with all four legs folding in unison.

I HATE to see cake wasted. The jergoffs we trusted to purchase the table with our money promised it was of good, solid steel, we paid 7 trillion times what steel costs and still got balsa wood table legs held together with Scotch tape and
postage stamps instead of nails.

The time for words is almost over though it should’ve been long ago.

Large numbers of people are going to have to be killed to set things straight.

I almost feel sorry for Obamarx. His pissant, wrong-headed, 500-million dollar socialist New New deal won’t help a fucking thing even when he jacks it up to a cool billion or even two bills. His pathetic ideas to get America “moving” again involve “investing” in highways.  So you put more GED stooges leaning on shovels on the median, big fucking deal.

I pity The Messiah because his four years of inadvertent recession-prolonging schemes are already completely overshadowed by the bailouts, aka The Largest Theft in the History of the World.

Maybe it’s better these numbfuck Washington aristocrats continue making the worst possible choices so revolution is inevitable.

But the blame for all of this still falls squarely on the shoulder of the People, that is, you and me.

We are the First Cause, we are our own cheap table legs. We got fat and lazy and we took it for granted that someone else was watching the crooks. It’s the prelude to every tale of a collapsing civilization.

The biggest mistake made in the past 60 years was/is letting the government run education. The Founding Fathers never addressed the idea of a “free” and public education because back then school was a luxury of the upper classes; most people were farmers or in manual trades where the younger you started the better.

I bet none of the Founders would approve of modern public education, seeing it for what it is: pro-government indoctrination camps run by a lazy, costly cartel. The Founders’ brilliance was that they had a healthy fear of government power, and rightly so. The lying fucks that run these schools are claiming government is your BFFL and deserves to be included in every aspect of your life. No wonder we’re screwed.

The bailouts happened because We the American people are by and large ignorant and apathetic about how (badly) government works and how free markets work.

We have allowed ourselves to be swindled and deserve every drop of blood soon to be spilled.

Beyond criminal bailouts, the problem remains our federal leviathan with its endless, expensive “helpful” programs, trying to poison the weeds of social ills with water and sunshine.

There’s no sense trying to save this cake, it’s already sailing towards the floor. Next time maybe we’ll make a 3-tiered cake and set it on a marble table. After a good few years of Mad Max-style hope and change.

How I picture government (which still sux)

Second-longest answer: a bicycle with octagonal tires and no pedals, pushed by Black midgets out of breath from singing praises to a fat-assed, self-important rider facing backwards, violently overreacting to obstacles long since passed while throwing handfuls of taxpayer money into the air like confetti.

Longest Answer:

There’s a scene in American Ninja where “Joe” (Michael Dudikoff) is slinking around a warehouse with a sword taken from some lesser-skilled unfortunate. He rounds a corner into an open space…

Four ninja leap down, each holding a corner of a net. As the net drops, Joe simply raises his sword and slices through it, then proceeds to dispatch the idiots.

TO WITNESS THIS BRILLIANCE FOR YOURSELF JUST CLICK THESE WORDS AND FORWARD TO THE 9:00 MARK.

Those four ninja are what government is to me: bumbling, incompetent, arrogant, needlessly complicating things and addicted to unnecessary force. No one on the Net Trap Committee said, “Hey, this is 1985, why don’t we all carry machine guns instead of archaic weapons and when Joe is trapped, we kill the lights and use night vision goggles!”

Government efficiency. Ha ha ha.