Posts Tagged ‘guns’

They got Superman wrong. Again.

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

I’ve tried and tried to write a review of the steaming turd known as Man of Steel. I can’t do it, a written explanation of what’s wrong with it read aloud would take longer than the movie.

Because I love the Superman mythos too much and am too close to the subject matter, I’ve decided instead to highlight two scenes, one which sinks the movie and one which could have (almost) saved it, and by saved I mean doubled whatever its final box office gross will be.

Clark, inexplicably miserable after saving the lives of two dozen men on a burning oil platform is shown walking around a family’s house. He has pants but needs a shirt, so he ‘borrows’ one folded on the tailgate of a car. I waited patiently for the next moment when Clark would see some sort of yardwork or project that the homeowners had left halfway completed and finished it at superspeed as payment, but it didn’t happen. Due to the dreary, depressed tone of the movie I knew there would also be no later scene of Clark shipping the laundered clothing back, maybe with a little thank-you cash. No, in Man of Steal, Clark is a common thief. A quarter of a million dollars spent creating a movie, including meticulous Easter eggs to delight the nerds, and nobody involved remembered that while humans steal, Clark Kent/Superman DOES NOT steal. Ever. It’s as egregious an error as having Batman grab a machine gun and kill a criminal.

So what might have saved Man of Steel? 

A recent, far better movie called Chronicle, about three teens who develop telekinetic powers, has a scene where they use their powers to fly around. They whoop and holler through the sky and have a great time, like real people would. When Clark dons the suit the first time, it’s starting a job. He practices speeding around, joylessly. There’s maybe a split second when he cracks a smile, but that’s it. We’ve seen better flying, done more creatively, in dozens of other movies. 

A scene missing from MoS more than any other is Clark admiring earth from space. Superman Returns had one, but it failed because it depicted Superman as messiah, towering over the earth.

Superman should simply have floated there, awestruck. He can’t do it all, but he’s here to do what he can, earth is his home. Because he was raised with the best values humanity can offer, he is humbled by the very planet he could easily rule with a steel fist. Even the suit is optional for such a scene, it would have been far more striking to have Clark floating there in normal clothing, perhaps with a backpack slung over one shoulder. (That would have been a far more impressive movie poster too).

A floating-above-earth scene probably wouldn’t have redeemed this clumsy disaster movie, but it would have provided a reason for Clark to save earth from Zod and partially justify the endless and callous destruction to come.

So there you have it, the scene that ruined this movie’s depiction of Superman and the nonexistent scene that would have almost redeemed it.

Advertisements

The end of the USA Part CMLXXVIII

Tuesday, 22 February 2011

I’d only been following this story peripherally, about Americans taken hostage by somali pirates.

I agree with those voices that condemned these Americans as idiots for putting themselves in that kind of danger.

Now that these Americans have been killed by the pirates, it’s time to wipe this somali shit off the face of the earth, sink every one of their ships and carpet bomb the shoreline.

Of course, it won’t happen.

As long as a weak-kneed, jug-eared, Kenyan Muslim-sympathizer occupies the White House, we can expect…nothing.  Well, almost nothing:  Cankles Clinton did call the murders “deplorable”.  That’s just the kind of harsh language that frightens these pirate vermin.

When a nation loses its martial spirit, it’s done for.  Little fugazis like being unable to handle somali savages are even worse than the big shit, and as the border problem proves, it’s not just one side of the aisle with no balls.

So, another hearty Fuck You to anyone who voted for The Kenyan.

You’re partially excused if you’ve said, “I’m sorry I voted for him” since 2008.

Your redemption arrives in 2012.  Do it right before the world ends in December of that year.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

You’re not dreaming, asshole: America **is** under siege by communist tyrants

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

The current President of the United States is a communist piece of shit, voted in democratically, just like Hitler. He has no self-respect as well as no respect for America; bowing like a subservient coward and slave to a raghead monarch during his recent Bash-America/Asslick Muslims Tour. The only people The One makes a show of strength against are Americans who don’t want to serve Big Daddy Government (Please don’t mention our heroic SEALS sniping a few Somali fuckfaces…if YObama had real balls the sky over that area of ocean would be DARK with Predator drones and the whole Somalian COASTLINE would already look like a crawling catepillar of NAPALM).

A fascist cunt-dyke leads the Department of Homeland Tyranny, releasing groundless statements like this, trying to bait the 50+ million conservatives in this country.

If you voted for the Marxlatto, you should feel stupid.--not forever–but at least once this year you should look in the mirror and say:

“Self, I fucked up real bad voting for this fascist asshole. Dumbo didn’t legalize my weed, he didn’t get me a job, he didn’t fix jack shit, he took all my hope and left me with loose change. I got fucked in the ass like I was on my gay honeymoon in Iowa. I won’t make the same mistake in 2012.”

For those of you who think everything is just fine or getting better—WAKE UP.

The USA won’t remain free under the thumb of a Dumbo-eared Castro wannabe, it will either shrink into a communist hellhole or shrug off these motherfucking tyrants before it’s too late.

If it takes another Civil War, so be it.

America in REAL Jeopardy!

Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Got a few more hits than usual lately, most of them for Jeopardy! posts.

The online test came and went in my timezone; I never bothered to register.

I have other things to immediately focus on like the scheduled death of a beloved pet, a brutal early morning work schedule and now the second wave of government theft that went through today, the Economic Scamulus Bull, courtesy of Black Commie and His Merry Band of Jackass Marxists.

The “Stimulus” is a payoff to the commies and thugs that put Obamarx in office. If you voted for this radical thug because you thought he was better than Gramps McCain, you’re in for a nasty surprise the rest of us knew was coming. Don’t think for a minute you’re going to benefit from Thugbama’s ‘generosity’ to his cronies using your money. Not a single job will be created and no part of the economy will recover because of anything demonshits do. The only thing the socialists could do to save the free market they despise is slash taxes and freeze government spending, and Hell would freeze over twice before the latter happened.

Guns. Bloodshed. War in the streets. It’s coming. You’ve got one half of the country wanting to do things the way that’s worked for nearly two centuries and the other half demanding a clone of euro-socialist ineptitude on American soil, spreading the wealth at gunpoint via federal leviathan, the EXACT thing the Founding Fathers feared.

Bush’s Presidency was mostly a failure because of the bailouts. He cut the ribbon on the road to tyranny and made it easy for born-in-Kenya Obama to slink in and start the shitball rolling with the Scamulus Bull. At the time of this writing, I’m proud not a single Republican has voted for it, though this current crop is just as likely to give in tomorrow.

There’s going to be a revolution whether people are ready or not. There’s no FUCKING way patriots are going to put up with 4 years of this.

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

The hero of the 2008 election is 200 million guns

Friday, 7 November 2008

Some people always have to learn things the hard way, if they learn at all.  Those who voted for Barack ‘Jimmy Carter’ Obama have lit a stick of dynamite believing it was a candle of hope.

History has proven time and again that what Obama stands for (taking national security threats lightly or not at all, moral relativism, excessive wealth redistribution at gunpoint) is incompatible with a free people and nation where government power is designed to be limited.  In its wake, excessive liberalism, the only kind there is eventually, leaves nations weaker, poorer and more divided.

I know people are angry on both sides, and they have every right to be.  McCain was a dud; while not a clone of Bush (those two were often at odds) had he won we’d perhaps have been treated to 4 more years of rudderless, half-baked liberalism disguised as conservatism until the whole thing exploded.  But considering what we’re stuck with now, it won’t be long before even the Bush-haters are wishing for the old days.  “At least under W we didn’t have double-digit unemployment and runaway inflation.”

Mantras of hope and change don’t fill bellies or keep the hordes at bay.

Inspiration without leadership is a motivational calendar, not a President.

The same spiel that gets the used clunker off the lot won’t keep it running.

The hero of the 2008 election is America’s 200 million guns and their owners.  They, and not the goodwill of our “leaders” are what keeps this country free.  Keep them well-oiled.


Jesus Christ versus a pococurante

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

When I first saw him he reminded me of a failed auditioner for a boy band, mostly because of the his white t-shirt underlying a thin print-pattern shirt with open sides billowing as if underwater as he paced, seemingly lost.

When I saw him again he was loudly singing songs referencing Jesus. Those around him seemed disturbed by this, but he was in his own world. He was there because he had a problem with something, and because I was at work, it was now my problem and job to help. As I helped him he asked, “Have you been Saved?” I wasn’t looking at him when I answered, “Well, I’m working here…” Meaning “Fuck No”.

Up close, Boy Band’s face was smooth and fresh but his eyes were puffy and tired. He explained how he was now 25 and had done every drug possible and hit bottom before trying God. And lo, Jesus had Saved him!

While not technically a Christian myself, I believed that Christ Jesus had indeed helped Boy Band, along with the peer pressure of the church, but I didn’t think the experience made Boy Band any smarter or more lucid; whatever potential he had before frying his circuits with drugs would remain lost. Well shit, he was only 25. Why judge?

I was mildly insulted that a “ki-dult” (25 is the real beginning of adulthood) would preach to someone older (me) but Boy Band’s torpid joy seemed real enough, and those Saved early on have a much harder road ahead of them than those who convert later (after fucking and drugging, sins denied me due to hating people).

Being at work, I only offered grunts of acknowledgment. As a customer, Boy Band could say whatever he wanted, while I was a slave. No employee enjoys this imbalance but then, I really didn’t have anything to add to his sluggish exuberance. If I wanted to risk losing the job I would’ve told Boy Band my minority opinion, which as a fundamentalist/former-druggie-now-Saved he would’ve found unacceptable: Jesus Christ is the answer, but not the only answer, there are infinite paths to God.

Boy Band said he’d say a prayer for me that night.

That was yesterday and I feel no different. I hope the positive effects of his prayer are delayed because tonight is another lottery drawing and the pot is 37 mil.

** ** ** ** ** **

Christ alone will never do it for me. I’m personally offended that He would deign to heal broken hearts when He Himself never tasted the pain of a variety of human failures, including rejection from a woman loved.

Now older than Christ at the time of his exit, I await death with the curse of a healthy body. Suicide would just leave God with a way to change the subject for calling Him out on the many, many fucked-up and stupid ways things are run around here.

So I wait, while somewhere out there Boy Band plans to be a counselor helping drug addicts. I am confident God has a few surprises left for both of us. It’s why I own a gun.

I don’t want to shoot him just yet

Thursday, 8 November 2007

Horace, this older assclown I used to work with stopped by the job today. He was laid off over half a year ago. While employed he was barely amiable in a creepy car salesman way. No one cared for him much.

Before joining us, Horace claimed to have been in Iraq, working for Halliburton. If that was the truth then he must have been doing it wrong to have to get a shit job, because dumb motherfuckers are leaving there after a year with 80 grand tax-free. Horace maintains he “saw corruption” firsthand and that’s why he left Iraq. When I asked him why he didn’t become a whistleblower, he implied he’d have been killed.

I silently agreed Halliburton may possibly have wanted to remove Horace from the gene pool, but not because of any evil conspiracy: Horace was simply lazy and barely did any work. We were all glad to see him go.

While with us, Horace claimed to have directed and produced a public access TV debate about the Iraq war, gathering various characters with opposing points of view.

Sad to say, I couldn’t fit a public access program into my busy schedule of doing jack shit, so I’ll never know how awful it was.

Today Horace was complaining that all local public access TV programming had been ended due to some rewriting of laws. I remembered reading something about that months ago, but even the local paper–a liberal rag in denial–didn’t go as far as Horace, claiming it was all a conspiracy to silence The People.

My guess is if public access TV is really off the air, the 5 people who watched it religiously probably moved on to macramé or watching paint dry.

During his mini-rant, Horace said, “Anyone who voted for Republicans should be shot.” I found this amusing, since it’s avowed nanny-state socialists like him who want to ban all guns…who does he think would win any ensuing gunfights?

Really, I don’t want to get into a civil war with nutball Horace-types. Watching a fat 50-something graying hippie in camouflage trying to hide behind a tree that’s two sizes too small for him during a gun battle, I would die of embarassment on his behalf long before any bullets (or thrown rocks) would hit me.

One of the inescapable facts of history is that over time, a minority does accrue the lion’s share of wealth…in more “enlightened” societies government then disperses and redistributes the wealth before the poor grow angry enough to rise up and kill the rich. Of course, what also happens over time is government forgets it’s merely a relief valve and starts to play Santa Claus, as it’s doing now…

I don’t think anyone who’s thought it through can remain static in their position on what should be done next in this neverending economic/comic cycle. It’s like surfing: sometimes you’re paddling like hell while other times the sole trick is to maintain balance and enjoy the ride.

I cast myself as leaning in favor of people keeping most of their wealth, even though I’m poor. Most wealthy don’t keep all their gold coins in a silo like Scrooge McDuck, they invest and create jobs, etc. So the greater crime, to me, is taking money from people who’ve earned it (most rich Americans started average and earned their coin; there are very few inherit-only Paris Hiltons) and giving it away to those who didn’t do anything. I don’t weep for the poor, the American poor, anyway, over half of which own their own homes, 2 cars and 3 TVs. America is the land of the hustle, but you won’t find any place on earth that rewards honest hustling more.

History has shown that pure capitalism won’t work any more than pure socialism, so in my older years I’ve accepted that some regulation and government programs, no matter how inept and corrupt, are necessary, despite being only symbolically effective.

What exact point I’m trying to make I don’t know, I just enjoy typing. And that bit about having to shoot the Horaces of the world, I’d really rather avoid that.

Advertisements