Posts Tagged ‘Homer Simpson’

Fuck The Simpsons, right in the neck

Saturday, 17 October 2015

“I’m old enough to remember when The Simpsons was funny!” I whinged, shaking my cane at the sky as my long white beard billowed in the breeze.

To answer your first question, I “tape” the show and half-watch it during dinner. Force of
habit after 2.5 decades. I do not expect to laugh and am never disappointed. The most I get
out of an entire episode is a slight chuckle.

TWELVE screenwriters worked on The Simpsons Movie, including Matthew Groaning, esteemed creator. The result was mediocre at best. I barely laughed in the theater and have never watched it again. Marge said, “Somebody throw the God-damned bomb!” which is something Marge would NEVER say.

What prompted me to write about The Simpsons now after a decade(s) of unfunny shows? I was horrified by the episode “Puffless.” For some reason, the “comedy” writers went on a tangent where Maggie communicates wth woodland creatures, which is straight-up Merrie Melodies nonsense. The Simpsons is supposed to be an ‘adult’ show so I wondered who the hell the “writers” were targeting with this cutesy unfunny story arc (the main story of Patty and Selma quitting smoking was absolute shite as well).

I cringed throughout the entire battle where Cletus’s poor hound dog is tortured—FUCKING TORTURED—by Maggie and a gang of animals in order to free a possum. It must be “funny”
because other animals are hurting the dog and not a human.

Simpsons shite is so out of hand there are critics analyizing every episode like it’s Masterpiece Theatre. Once upon a time the sight gags were funny, now rubes are expected to DVR-freeze every other frame looking for inside-jokes-within-inside-jokes, not just Bart’s writing on the chalkboard.

The show continues because somehow it’s still making money, but for most fans it’s now a matter of morbid curiosity, how much longer can they milk this shit-show before cancellation?

Since obozo was elected twice by grubers, it’s going to be awhile.

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Kaylan Nicole

Sunday, 11 May 2008

I see from the “meatstats” men continue searching for Kaylan Nicole. Unfortunately for them (and me) I found this on her official website:

Kaylan has actually split the business, gotten married and moved back to the Midwest. Hope she comes back soon.

I don’t give a shit if she ever comes back. Any pornette that leaves the business even for a year will return to find 3500 skanx burning holes in the carpet with their knees, eyes closed and tongues out under that damned Peter North’s turkey baster. There’s so much damned norpography now there will actually be a day–if only a day–in the near future when the whole world has had enough image-sex and turns it off. Even Homer Simpson has been known to stop eating donuts.

I’m sure KN’s husband was either in the biz along with her, wealthy and/or a swinger. I just can’t imagine any pornette giving up the cock buffet and settling for just one, their brains are wired differently from other women’s. I wonder if the husband is excited by her body…of work, or never bothers. I could never love any woman who’s lain under a Marc Wallace arc of man-yogurt or TT Boy meat-seizure.

Mentally I understand how a man could marry a porn star, despite her past or because of it. My dead heart, however, completely rejects the idea as absurd. That’s why God is God and I don’t want God’s fucking job. I have no forgiveness.