A true impulse buy, I yanked this DVD off the rack and slid it down the Dollar Store’s checkout conveyor belt like a beer down the gnarled bar in an old western. I did it as stolidly as I could, like I didn’t give a damn, knowing if the “instructional vid” was any good, I’d be putting that dollar to good use later in the evening. I know it seems kind of idiotic to waste a dollar on this, when yottabytes of n0rpography await for FREE online, but sometimes you just want to keep things classy. And no, I’m not ashamed in the slightest that the tear you see across the girl’s stomach was from me eagerly ripping open the package instead of finding scissors.
Well, I did get fucked, but in the raw, metaphorical sense, because Blondie’s sole appearance on this DVD was the cover. Featured ON the DVD was this lass:
On the plus side, Sweet Nancy here has a slim but “TIGHT little body”, as my friend Wells would say in the 90s. But while I would readily swear in a court of law that Nancy has made her body the healthiest and best-looking it can be, alas, the lass is only half-full and regrettably NOT the Blondie on the cover, dancing and splashing on an exotic beach, performing a pseudo-workout.
In order for me to feel like I got my money’s worth, the real Nancy would have to show up and fuck me until my head exploded like “Belloq” at the end of Radiers of the Lost Ark.
Life is risk. Back to the yottabytes for me.
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