Posts Tagged ‘Madonna’

Kylo Ren, don’t make me feel gay

Sunday, 6 December 2015

 

I don’t like feeling gay.

Gay in this sense has nothing to do with homosexuality, it’s a kind of shame or embarrassment by association with an object or idea ruined by obviousness, obnoxiousness or nescience.

The word “ghey” has been offered as a way to describe this feeling but it’s bullshit for two reasons:

1) ‘Gay’ had several other meanings before homosexual, and gays from that time forward didn’t offer an alternate spelling to separate themselves from the original meaning.

2) The well-intentioned but foolish adopter of “ghey” is left having to spell G-H-E-Y after saying, “gay” so as not to offend nearby gays. Who needs extra work?

Saw this today at the supermarket and yes, it made me feel gay:

Go-Gurt Ren
I understand putting other SW characters on the boxes, including the fucking soccer ball that doesn’t need to eat. But how can Kylo Ren, wimpy-named villain and Vader groupie give a fuck about nutrition or pleasing kids, especially with a product name as GAY as GO-GURT?

More laughable is the new SW movie is rated PG-13, which means there’s a possibility of KR decapitating some poor fool with a lightsaber. This could be the Madonna/Pepsi controversy of this decade, especially since the new lightsaber looks like a burning cross.

Damonna Cross

 

 

 

 

And then there’s this:  

Slurp Saber

 

SLURP SABER.  

Slurp Saber…is funny.  

 

VITAL UPDATE:  The Force Awakens has been out for a few weeks.  By featuring Kylo Ren, Go-Gurt is advocating patricide.  Seems about right. 

 

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Almost Human—the cloning one

Monday, 16 December 2013

The challenge of making a good sci-fi show is taking thoughtful risks. That doesn’t mean the story has to be so complicated it leaves the dumb masses behind, but without a future where technology has changed morality, you’ve got another generic cop show with electric cars and quieter guns.

The drugs-are-bad episode, terrorism episode, heist episode and fuckbots episode were decent but not nearly as interesting as they could’ve been.

And now the cloning episode.

The plot we got was a literal genius who was faking being good in the eyes of the world but was really a villain, because he killed the doctor who helped clone him a few times. The story involves him and his clone family trying to kill a witness to the crime, a ditzy broad who looks like a 1980s Madonna and who is psychic from a brain-boosting process (a story in itself). The tight-(hair)-bunned cop-boss character is explored a little more but that’s really the only thing new.

A better plot would have had the good guy be likable while an unseen killer picked off the clones, causing the good guy to expose him-selves to the cops. Why was cloning conveniently made illegal 20 years earlier? Why did this guy clone himself, was it to beat an incurable disease? Do clones have legal rights? Is killing a clone considered murder?

This is the first episode where we really see Dorian’s awesome robopower as he catches up to a speeding electro-van and flips it like a cheese omelette (causing it to explode, even though it has no gas engine).

We the audience were kind-of prepped for this when earlier an MX-43 bragged about being able to lift a metric ton. I didn’t like this new information because it made Kennex look ignorant. If you didn’t know your robot buddy could lift a car, you might call in human first responders, needlessly putting them in the line of fire.

The MXs are as useless as stormtroopers. They’re supposed to provide a cold, glaring contrast to “crazy” warm Dorian, but their design is not well thought-out.

If an MX-43 can effortlessly carry a metric ton, they should all be walking around with 200 extra pounds of body armor, especially since every episode the bad guys get the jump on them. MX headwear is clearly not bulletproof, as their heads always get blown apart like rock candy.

It’s not necessary to build humanoid robots so that their recording devices are fragile chips of glass in their rock candy skulls…the head should have sensors-only while recording modules used as evidence should be heavily shielded in the robots’ torsos.  Sorry for the nerd shit, but it has to be said.

I don’t care about the hot girl cop, do you? We’ve seen McCoy break into a cold sweat in a showroom of fuckbots, why would he care about a human woman? (Prediction:  later in the season, when he’s ready to close the deal, the evil Insyndicate girlfriend will come along to ruin everything).

We also learned this week that Dorian has a giant robocock. The patrol car cop-buddy banter gets amusingly gayer every week.

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