Three Reasons Not to Suicide:

1)  You’ll spoil your record of perfect attendance.  You’ve been alive since you were born. Even when you’ve been knocked out cold you were still alive.  You’ve survived chicken pox, the dentist, learning how to ride a bike, maybe even had sex once or twice.  If you kill yourself, that all gets wiped out.

 

2)  Death is not an escape.  You know how life works, it’s the same shit over and over again in different packaging.  Do you really think the Designer of so nefarious a world would provide such an easy way out?  Have you ever tried getting out of a cell phone contract?  It doesn’t have to be the threat of a fiery Hell to stick around either:  you could come back to earth, only with a smaller penis, or as a Siamese twin, sharing a smaller penis.

 

3)  Death is guaranteed.  No one ever got to the ticket window and heard, “I’m sorry, we’re all out of death.”  Death is coming anyway, why pay extra for 2-day shipping?  God only kills happy people.  Make Him do the work.

 

 

There you have it, three reasons not to suicide.  Not very good reasons, but some kind of lubricant is always better than none.

From May 2014

The babies

Mark Twain made a toast to a room of drunks (himself included I’m sure) about babies
I have nothing against babies personally but I’m the last person to celebrate a life. It must be a retard-writer thing, I only see events as a flash-forward of doom.

It would be funny if babies never got older, and had to suffer it all while being only a foot tall: alienation, boredom, manic attacks, trying drugs, cutting their arms, wearing black lipstick, overeating and later getting screwed by the banks, the peddlers, the swindlers, the corporations both evil and less evil, the bad food, the losing numbers, illnesses, the Red Chinks planning world takeover, broken baby marriages.

There’s nothing worse than a baby cheating on another baby.

The very few good events of life have been repackaged and resold thousands of times, so when they happen they feel like a reenactment of a goddamned commercial.

“But you can’t know the future.”

I know enough.

On a spiritual level, a baby is a soul who fucked up and chickened-out, running back to earth because the Infinite scared it. Some argue that karma only allows the soul to see the paths they deserve, e.g. a door to higher realms would look like a wall.

Babies are just future tragedies waiting to happen. They should soak up the love while they can, if it’s available. They already know this.

Take a break from pessimism

How much pain they have cost us, the evils which have never happened. –Thomas Jefferson

…it has never been my way to bother much about things which you can’t cure.
– Mark Twain – A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court

I watched too many political vids on youtube tonight.
The idiocy, ignorance, paranoia, doomsaying, etc. was just too much for my tender sensibilities.

Although I cannot claim to rising above feeling anxious and threatened by the many ominous challenges of the future (Chinese world dominance, terrorists with nukes, collapse of the dollar and following right behind it like a booby prize in a box of Fruit Loops, the dreaded Amero) I’m trying to realize on a conscious level that all these macro problems can go fuck themselves. Like Jefferson wrote, most of these things never happen, and when they do, the terrifying tiger behind the door often turns out to be a kitten.

So then there’s hope:

…it is a blessed provision of nature that at times like these, as soon as a man’s mercury has got down to a certain point there comes a revulsion, and he rallies. Hope springs up, and cheerfulness along with it, and then he is in good shape to do something for himself, if anything can be done.

– Twain – Connecticut Yankee…

Although I can’t prove it, in the frequent absence of hope the human will still abide, because no other creature is interested by half in seeing what happens next.