I don’t give a shit movie reviews

Transformers 2: Recap. for anyone who thinks it rocked…5 primes huddling like gay faggots and turning into a mountain.

Terminator Salvation: I once pooped while dehydrated and without enough fiber and swore I was shitting a cactus made of sandpaper.  That was better than T:S.

District 9: space roaches have a giant anti-gravity spaceship and a few cool spaceguns only they can operate, but they’d rather live in a slum, buying cat food from Nigerians and knocking junk out of each other’s claws.

G.I. Joe: Storm Shadow the Japanese ninja is played by a Korean. G.I.Joe lives under the pyramids. Half the team are unlikely foreign Blacks plus a fucking Muslim. Mandatory, totally unnecessary, insulting interracial hookup in this movie  is jive-asshole Marlon “Ripcord” Wayans pursuing a vapid, flat-butted White girl “genius” (Scarlett) who falls for him anyway, proving she’s an idiot. A lot of CGI and nonsense. Rip-off of Firefox. Cobra Commander sounds like Darth Vader. TUH-HANE!

Watchmen: All anyone remembers is that glowing blue guy’s penis. I liked Rorschach. Everyone does.

Wanted: Finally saw it. Too much slow motion. The White guy who almost got eaten by Idi Amin is in it. Angelina Jolie is hot but has ugly hands. Bullets curve around things. Morgan Freeman is Black. The looms were the most interesting things.

Date Movie: Alyson Hannigan, aka Flutepussy, is cute in one scene and ugly the next. A Black Midget. Crunk scene was the only real laugh.

Animated Wonder Woman movie: Tits or GTFO. Peppy. Amazon MILFS. Nothing to jack off to.

Hope you enjoyed this.  If not, it’s too late.

Spoiled Midget Paradox

Midgets

I asked random women at work if they were ever attracted to midgets or would go out with midgets. Most didn’t know any and one said the midget thing wasn’t a big deal, it’s “other things” that mattered.

“You mean like if he could rock a guitar?”

She left the room without answering.

I told another broad, “The best part about being a midget must be food. It must seem so huge every meal is like Thanksgiving…you could live off a single Big Mac for a week.”

I told a guy who walked into the break room that it must really suck being a midget in Ireland.

Finally, I told one last woman at work that if I were a midget, I’d team up with another midget and go to clubs, enticing women into doing “men-idget-a-tois” with us.

“Being with two midgets equals being with one regular-height guy, so there’s no feeling like a slut. That’s the selling point!”

People at work think I’m weird. They are right. Fortunately they laugh.