Posts Tagged ‘pon farr’

Niacin nitwit

Tuesday, 4 December 2007

I woke up early for having a day off.

Two hours later at the gym my neck and arms felt like they were on fire. I could literally feel my blood “boiling” in a human version of Pon Farr. Only Mr. Spock had it worse, experiencing the same intense burning + extreme horniness.

I wasn’t horny and anyway there was nothing around to fuck, so I kept working out, first the treadmill then the weights. Plenty of energy throughout but something was seriously wrong.

In the car I started itching like a motherfuck on top of the fiery heat; fortunately it was confined to only a few areas as I raced home and did the second worse thing you can do for the itch after exercising, take a shower.

As the water crashed down, doing nothing for my burning scalp, chest and arms, I realized it was the niacin, normally taken at night with no problems. Now during the day I was feeling the fury of a fully armed and operational niacin flush.

I went on-line to find a “cure”. The flush is actually good thing for cholesterol but the agony screamed otherwise.

I hopped back in the car and zoomed to Costco for the giant offset walk-in chamber for fresh produce they keep near-frozen. I flashed my membership card and hauled ass for the back of the warehouse, stopping only to eat free samples of soup, tortellinis, sorbet, crab, Bagel Bites, mashed potatoes and more crab.

The itching was mostly gone by the time I entered the cold room. My fiery bloodshot eyes felt soothed by the sight of sleeping broccoli, blueberries and carrots…I imagined the itching sensation fading as icy air from the high-above ceiling washed over my skin. I walked around slowly so my skin would slice against cold air.

Fucking niacin!

I stared in bitterness at the needle of the friendly round-faced thermometer, “frozen” at 40 degrees, so much better than the warm December afternoon in fucked-Florida outside.

Nothing ever worked properly, everything had to be fucked up. It was the law.

I left Costco with a single item: a bottle of vitamins.