Posts Tagged ‘shit movies’

Hancock sucked, but you knew that

Thursday, 3 July 2008

Accepting that its initial reviews were lousy, I went to see Hancock anyway because I hate my own life, which needs more fake butter.

Ticket, drink, popcorn (the latter two refillable) totalled only 9 bucks, but I still felt ripped off.

The plot of Hancock was hopelessly muddled, like two movies in one and neither very good.  The second half’s movie was irredeemable shit; had it had kept the dark-yet-sanitized tone of the first half throughout, it still would’ve been flat soda not worth a second sip but not, “I’ll never drink that rat-piss again” bad.

I understand people were also disappointed with Will Smith’s I Am Legend. After falling down these manholes masquerading as entertainment, Smith does try to act for all he’s worth but Christ, the secret of getting out of the sewer is not to fall down the hole in the first place.

The problem with Hancock is that it will be a huge hit.  Fourth of July weekend looming with the world’s most bankable star at the helm?  It’ll probably make a billion worldwide post-DVD.  Unfortunately for the stupido studio it would’ve made 1.5 billion or more had it been good, fun, or both.

Hollywood is part of the great conspiracy to keep life as boring and limited as possible.  The elites have all the fun shit in plenteous supply:  whores, fast cars/yachts/jets, mountains of booze, pills and cocaine.  They buy their way out of serving time for most crimes as if life was an anarchic Monopoly game.

The only thing the Hollyturds can’t do is make their mediocre product interesting by comparison, and so for the average dolt, everything in life remains forbidden, expensive or illegal.  Out of reach.