Posts Tagged ‘Star Trek’

Star Wars Crapisode VIII

Sunday, 26 November 2017

Well my nigs, if The Phantom Menace was a disastrous date with a beautiful stranger then The Force Awakens was date rape. After seeing the latter I was extra-pissed at having to buy the ticket in advance, in a theater with assigned seating. Never again.

If you’ve seen the trailer for The Last Jedi you already know it’s going to be a bad clone of The Empire Strikes Back. What gave it away? The snow fox, a still frame of a line of parked AT-ATs, and knowing Disney won’t take risks.

I don’t care about any of the characters, new or old. Rey is a poor replacement for Luke. Whether she turns evil or not makes no difference.

Hamill has said he entirely disagrees with the direction they took Luke. My guess is he won’t even leave Irish Island or wherever the fuck he’s hiding until Crapisode 9.

If Finn had been White, you would wonder what his character is even doing there. Same for the new X-wing pilot, who has scenes outside the cockpit yet is less memorable than Wedge or even Porkins.

The trailer also implies that Leia just stands in place on the bridge of a ship while her jug-eared, tantrum-throwing Vader-wannabe son locks missiles on her. TFA did nothing with her character, now she’s CG and it makes no difference.

Anyway, that’s that.

 

 

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Star Trek: Discovery?

Wednesday, 11 October 2017

My new rule is never to put more effort into reviews of things than the creators did creating it. So here are some notes on Star Trek: Discovery.

* Decent effects and acting. Not as politically correct as I thought but still problems.

* The lead is a human Black woman who was raised on Vulcan by–wait for it–Spock’s parents.

* Vulblack is sent out alone in a spacesuit, copying Spock in the first Star Trek movie. They send the show’s lead–second in command–when they have a ROBOT crewmember wearing a Daft Punk helmet on the bridge.

* The Chinese Womancaptain failed to heed Vulblack’s valuable tactical advice for defeating Klingons, advice which should have been readily available to anyone in Starfleet.

* Chinese Womancaptain is killed for being an idiot. Vulblack gets the blame.

* The #1 in Command of the Federation Fleet shows up at the disastrous battle. An arrogant White Guy, his ship is rammed and destroyed.

* In the latest episode, another woman is killed for making a rash decision to bully a massive alien lifeform. Women are bad luck on ships.

* The show’s creators explained the Klingons are “Trump supporters.” For that to be true, the Klingon government would have open orders and be flooding Klingon territory with foreigners.

* The Klingons who yell, “REMAIN KLINGON!” are written by writers who IRL yell,”REMAIN JEWISH!” In other words, only Jews and Asians are allowed to preserve their unique cultures. Everyone else must suffer DIVERSITY, including Klingons.

* Klingons are warriors who find meaning in battle. They don’t need a PC excuse to do anything.

* The writers boasted Discovery would have a Gay in the regular cast. In the first episode they killed of The Gay’s partner. In other words, Gay & Switch.

* For The Record: I am against any non-Vulcan being able to deliver the Vulcan nerve pinch, so Data and Vulblack can cram it. I always assumed the Pinch works like a Taser and only Vulcans could do it due to telepathy.

* There’s so much shit out there it’s not worth getting mad over a single TV show.

* I love this song.  Beautiful for lovers and serial killers alike.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prediction-y Guesses for Star Wars 7

Monday, 17 November 2014

I don’t like the subtitle.  “THE FORCE AWAKENS” promises some stupid shit/tampering with the Force concept, just like midichlorians.

Yoda, Darth Vader, Emperor, Boba Fett will all be in it: oh, c’mon, these guys ARE Star Wars. They’ll be back in dreams / flashbacks / computer holofiles and they sure as hell will be back as TOYS.  (Yaay!)

Slow-motion lightsaber shit: rehashing of specific and popular violent special effects of the last 10 years, particularly the slowed-to-a-crawl-then-sped-up attacks from 300.  I also expect the ‘lightwhip’ to show up. If you don’t know what that is, congrats on having a life.

Droid’s Eye View: we get to see how R2 and 3PO see the world.  Do info and numbers run across their viewports like the Terminator’s?  Who can know?  Or care?  Besides me?

Android: Droids that look exactly like humans (at least one).

Jedi Wookie: there is one in the novels (though the novels are being ignored) and it would be cool; (don’t kill Chewie, either.)

Planet(s) will die: the director destroyed two planets already in Star Trek.  All bets are off.

Superweapon Mania: if it’s not Death Star 3.0 it will be very close to it, or multiple smaller Death Stars.

THE ARTIFACT:  Hitchcock called it the McGuffin, either way it’s an object to build a movie around.

Endless chase scene:  a battle to end all battles that starts in space, goes to atmosphere/sky, then ocean/swamps on speeder bikes, then….

Tatooine: it’s expected.

Dagobah: someone else has to visit THE CAVE to foresee the plot of Star Wars 8

Hoth: maybe.

Endor: no.

The Jedi Academy:  very likely.

References to anything prequel-related: present but hopefully extremely limited

A subtle insult to George Lucas for “ruining” Star Wars with the prequels and endless tampering with Eps. 4-6: we can only hope.

Darth Maul:  probably not the actual Darth Maul, but a Zabrak, the alien race Darth Maul was/is.

Jabba the Hutt/Hutts:  probably not the actual Jabba, but a Hutt, the alien race Jabba was/is.

Losing more limbs: heroes will be losing limbs and getting robot limbs.

Offspring of Luke or Han/Leia turning to Dark Side: likely, if there is no Sith element, this, will be…this…will be…

Sith: 80% likely to appear, 100% via “holocron.”

Death of Jar Jar Binks: this is more of an intensely strong suggestion than prediction. Having Jar Jar die a horrible, fiery (but “heroic”) death would add an additional half-billion to what will likely be the first movie to top 2 billion dollars.

Politics: I pray the story stays just that: a story from, “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away….”  

Fans/nerds will be reading shit into it and seeing things that aren’t there no matter what, so PLEASE no “hard-hitting” fucktarded messages about saving the environment, bullshit global warming, the evils of greed (Hi Disney), etc.

PRE-PLANNED FAN RAGE:  the creators will deliberately fuck up something sacred to enrage fans and then leak it early, which will in turn provide millions in free advertising.

 

Don’t think of them as Americans any more

Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Colin Powell is at it again. Nothing has changed with Powell since last December when I ripped him a second asshole, except he’s become ever the more useful idiot and tool of the left to bash the few real conservative voices remaining.

Powell is not alone in his suicidal quest. Damn near all of the high-position elected Repubicans are striving to be more like the statists now running things (into the ground). The lot of them have decided it’s better to be loved and admired than pursue any difficult course of action that doesn’t end in personal glory.

Ours is an age of pure politician, with only a sprinkling of statesman.

The Republican Party is in disarray and deserving to lose because despite the recent weak rebranding it still stands for nothing. Though true conservatives haven’t gone anywhere, the party has abandoned its core conservative principles of limited government, low taxation, strong (logical) national defense and a historical framework of moral values based on Judeo-Christian teachings. I didn’t make these up just now, nor do I necessarily wish any of these to be taken to “extremes”, but these are principles that governed the way America ran from 1776 to the 1930s,—historically unique ideas which worked to build the greatest of all nations—before the first rivulets of the flood of communist horseshit we’re drowning in today began creeping into the streets.

I can’t even write about this any more. There are so many mental drifters, slaves and honest-to-God ignorant fuckups flooding this country from within and without, it’s like a race between the illegal aliens and their enablers and the idiot factories knows as government schools to see which can create the more harmful parasite/voter in greater numbers.

Reminds me of a scene from Invasion of the Body Snatchers or one of its many remakes or rip-offs, where a military guy or scientist(s) is observing, through a thermal imager, a gang of children that have been taken over by alien parasites.  One of the men says, “”Don’t think of them as children any more.”

And so America begins its decline, 2009. I can’t believe there’s anything left to discuss with so-called ‘Americans’ that demand the government take care of them from cradle to grave, while commanding everyone else on how to live their lives. Such people already exist by the millions…they’re called Europeans (and Canadians) and their cultures are dying more rapidly than ours.

Statists are not Americans. It would be wise not to think of them as Americans anymore.



Reviews of movie previews I watched with disdain

Monday, 25 May 2009

When I went to see Star Trek, I got hit with the endless stream of previews I’d hoped to avoid by showing up 10 minutes late to Wolverine.

I already knew Will Ferrell is a talentless asshole from his last 10 movies, so why make Land of the Lost? There wasn’t a single reaction from the sizable crowd to anything in the preview. The best “funny” line the morons who made this turd could come up with is, “Matt Lauer can suck it.” That wouldn’t be funny even if people knew who Matt Lauer is/was/whatever.

The preview for the new Terminator movie, now out and given awful reviews, also garnered no reaction from the crowd. I felt silly-assed for ever liking Terminator after seeing it. After the audio of what’s-his-face yelling at some poor shlub on the set was leaked two months ago I lost interest. Hey, Jerkoff: you’re a multi-millionaire actor and beloved Batman. No less than Ivanka Trump called you, “some kind of Adonis”. You don’t need to piss and moan over an honest mistake. People go to the movies to escape from asshole bosses yelling at them.

The only preview that got any reaction at all was the CG movie UP, which should’ve been called “The Old Jew’s Flying Balloon House”.

SkyJew* would also be a badass name for a movie, but it doesn’t yet exist. No one tell Will Fuckface Ferrell about SkyJew.

Thanks.


*(Apparently, the term “skyjew” already exists, as an anti-Semitic reference to seagulls! What a world, what a world).


Dear Colin Powell: Get lost, and take your giant head with you

Friday, 12 December 2008

When it comes to race, the Republican Party can’t win.

Bush 43, for all his faults, not only bent over backwards but damned near contorted himself into a pretzel hiring minorities for his Cabinet and elsewhere, including Alberto Gonzalez, Condi Rice and Colin Powell as the first Black Secretary of State.

Were Bush a true conservative, he would’ve taken the hit and hired the best people for the job, not the most colorful or capable of getting pregnant.

The predictable result was Bush ended up celebrating diversity by himself, got no credit from the left wing, race-obsessed hypocrites, and we the American people were stuck with the usual doubts about these characters.

My friends, my friends, you have every right and reason to doubt these peoples’ credentials and competency. Thanks to racist and idiotic affirmative action, which sends a clear message that minorities are not good enough to be chosen on their merit and therefore need high-chairs, we can never be sure anyone selected is right for the job, only right-colored or gendered.

I would be happy with an all-White, all-male government IF they were the best at doing the job. For most of America’s history White Guys DID run the show, with mixed results (in an oversimplification: the farther back you go the more they stuck to the rule of law). If the USA suddenly had an all-Black, Hispanic, Asian or Female government, I would raise my eyebrows like Spock, and if it turned out they did the best job, I’d be all for them. I want results, not excuses, and it’s a national disgrace we have to settle for racial also-rans and female seat-fillers in important positions of power to please the libmedia’s racial quotas.

Which brings us to Colin Powell.

Powell–who has been crucified by the left-wringers many times–recently thanked his boss and his party by voting for Obama, and is now relieving his massive ego’s bladder with a sham interview, embarrassing himself by assaulting conservatives for not being race-obsessed liberals.

The only reason I can think of this ingrate would stay in the Republican party is he’s a mole for moreon.org or the HoPuffs.

“I think the party has to take a hard look at itself,” Powell said in the interview, which was taped Wednesday.

This much I agree with, not because of race but because there are no conservatives left in it. The GOP has to be rebuilt almost from scratch.

Powell: “There is nothing wrong with being conservative. There is nothing wrong with having socially conservative views — I don’t object to that.”

Wow. Let me dry my eyes after that very moving endorsement for YOUR party’s principles. In return let me say there’s PLENTY wrong with being a left-wing socialist, starting with the Founding Fathers’ distrust of excessive government power and their rejection of socialism in favor of self-determinism.

Powell: “But if the party wants to have a future in this country, it has to face some realities. In another 20 years, the majority in this country will be the minority.”

Doesn’t this sound like an implied threat? What does Powell know about those minorities that we don’t? What disgusts me the most is his notion that all the things that made America great (and liberals despise) must now step aside as Whites step down from being the majority.

Powell: “I think the party has to stop shouting at the world and at the country…I think that the party has to take a hard look at itself, and I’ve talked to a number of leaders in recent weeks and they understand that.”

Leaders? Which leaders? Where? The only leaders’ opinions that matter are American leaders, and I’m not sure we have any of those left. I would gladly have the USA stop “shouting” at the world if we could simultaneously withdraw all financial aid to other nations.

Powell, who crossed party lines and endorsed President-elect Barack Obama just weeks before the election, said the GOP must see what is in the “hearts and minds” of African-American, Hispanic and Asian voters “and not just try to influence them by… the principles and dogma.”

In the words of Big Trouble in Little China’s David Lo Pan: “Now this really pisses me off!”

Conservative principles are available to all and would be self-evident if not for liberal propaganda. In order for communist bullshit to “work” it must be constantly reinforced by the media, whereas liberty and the right to keep the fruits of one’s labor are self-evident. What in Powell’s mind makes Blacks and Hispanics unable to grasp the concepts of liberty and the free market?

I can’t guess exactly what’s in the “hearts and minds” of Blacks and Hispanics, but I’m fairly sure the government they crave protects their rights, follows the rule of law, keeps criminals imprisoned, keeps terrorists on the run and takes only a reasonable share of their income and no more.

Powell: “Can we continue to listen to Rush Limbaugh…is this really the kind of party that we want to be when these kinds of spokespersons seem to appeal to our lesser instincts rather than our better instincts?”

This one’s easy. During the election Powell was humiliated several times by Limbaugh, who rightly pointed out Powell’s endorsement for Obama was based primarily on race. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, just have the balls to admit it, Mr. Powell.

My instincts are better than yours.



Niacin nitwit

Tuesday, 4 December 2007

I woke up early for having a day off.

Two hours later at the gym my neck and arms felt like they were on fire. I could literally feel my blood “boiling” in a human version of Pon Farr. Only Mr. Spock had it worse, experiencing the same intense burning + extreme horniness.

I wasn’t horny and anyway there was nothing around to fuck, so I kept working out, first the treadmill then the weights. Plenty of energy throughout but something was seriously wrong.

In the car I started itching like a motherfuck on top of the fiery heat; fortunately it was confined to only a few areas as I raced home and did the second worse thing you can do for the itch after exercising, take a shower.

As the water crashed down, doing nothing for my burning scalp, chest and arms, I realized it was the niacin, normally taken at night with no problems. Now during the day I was feeling the fury of a fully armed and operational niacin flush.

I went on-line to find a “cure”. The flush is actually good thing for cholesterol but the agony screamed otherwise.

I hopped back in the car and zoomed to Costco for the giant offset walk-in chamber for fresh produce they keep near-frozen. I flashed my membership card and hauled ass for the back of the warehouse, stopping only to eat free samples of soup, tortellinis, sorbet, crab, Bagel Bites, mashed potatoes and more crab.

The itching was mostly gone by the time I entered the cold room. My fiery bloodshot eyes felt soothed by the sight of sleeping broccoli, blueberries and carrots…I imagined the itching sensation fading as icy air from the high-above ceiling washed over my skin. I walked around slowly so my skin would slice against cold air.

Fucking niacin!

I stared in bitterness at the needle of the friendly round-faced thermometer, “frozen” at 40 degrees, so much better than the warm December afternoon in fucked-Florida outside.

Nothing ever worked properly, everything had to be fucked up. It was the law.

I left Costco with a single item: a bottle of vitamins.

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