Posts Tagged ‘tivo’

Be advised. I eat concertina wire and piss napalm and I can put a round in a flea’s ass at 300 meters so why don’t you go hump somebody else’s leg, mutt face, before I push yours in.

Saturday, 19 January 2008

Had a few things to get down on pixels but they’re jammed up in my head. Had the day off and pissed it away. The problem is having only ONE day off in an otherwise unbroken series of workdays, there’s no time to do anything, or rather I don’t want to do jack shit.

This is the only place I have any competence, sitting in front of a keyboard. I thought of this as I brought the double-bagged cat shit to the dumpster.

Watched one-third of Heartbreak Ridge on cable. Haven’t seen it in ages. I loved it when it was new on cable many moons ago. Clint Eastwood was immortal…then sometime in the 90s he seemed to age 30 years overnight.

Heartbreak Ridge holds up well. It’s funny, sad, even touching. As Gunny Highway would say: “Panther piss”.

“You shouldn’t litter FAG-etti, it’s ecologically unsound.” ha ha ha!

I understand why cable TV has partially-censored itself on the non-premium channels like TNT but it pisses me off nonetheless. It makes NO sense if you remove the money angle (advertisers). YOU decide and consent to the content when you pay for the fucking cable box AND the fucking Tivo function. It’s a “private” line into your home, not broadcast on the fucking government’s shitty airwaves. If you can stop, rewind, even record the damned movies I don’t see why you can’t select FULL FUCKING SWEARING on the remote.

At ease.

TV Redux

Monday, 19 November 2007

The lazy-assed writers of Smallville are counting on fans’ loyalty to the Superman mythos. 

That’s why most weeks they churn out crap.

Supposedly this is the last season, and so the long-suffering will endure.

During last week’s show, Chloe (the only hot chick) says to Clark, “My (insert automobile’s name here) gets great gas mileage but blahblahblah.”

I stopped the Tivo, froze the expression on my face and walked into the bathroom to see what a fucking idiot looks like (the show’s producers must think I am to pull that kind of stunt).

I wouldn’t mind such blatant ad-placement if there were NO commercials at all, but that’s not the case.

There were even more shameful episodes the last two seasons where ad-placed cars should’ve gotten acting credits.

Of course, the final crime comitted against Smallville fans never seeing Tom Welling’s Clark Kent as Superman.  The excuse, aside from all the lawyering problems, will be the producers of both the next Supes movie and the TV show don’t want to “confuse” audiences with two Supermen (never mind the long list of pre-Reeve actors who’ve played the Big S).  If Superman Returns wasn’t such an unwatchable turd I might agree with the producers’ “logic”.

I don’t feel like writing an essay about “What Superman Means to Me” right now.  Maybe later.


Bionic Woman is officially a cyberturd.  NBC tried, and failed.  Whatever its problems I don’t care anymore, it’s unwatchable.  Michelle Ryan is not as hot as I once thought she was, and after Smallville being on the air for almost a decade, why would anyone care about the (weak) powers of someone with only 3 rechargeable limbs?  The younger sister is a real asshole too, I would pray for a sniper cannon to take her out.  If I cared.


Cavemen isn’t a total flop, more like a hairier My Name is Earl with no chemistry between actors and 1/4th the laffs.


I’m a big fan of Satan but haven’t seen Reaper, primarily because a fat fuck with a faux-hawk is the lead, secondarily because the Devil looks like a fake-tanned used car salesman.  Fat Fuck with a Faux-hawk is a much better kickass show name.


As with “norpography” I’m mostly over TV.  There’s just nothing out there to hold my interest, it’s all geared to ADD youngsters Ages 4-34.

Fuck ’em. I’ll dream my own dreams.

Got nuthin but exploding melon

Saturday, 13 October 2007

I’m glad to have this weekend off as a coda to a solid week of doing…nothing, having the week off and just watching TV, recorded TV to be sure, but in the end most of it crap.

With modern TV, even the subjects you find interesting are presented helplessly stunted and slow, trapped inside the TV format, e.g. fucking Mythbusters has to reexplain every stunt after every commercial break. As my old man pointed out, these shows are for fried people coming home from work who don’t want to think, they just want to be entertained.  Fair enough , but is it really impossible to entertain and move information quickly? In the Age of Tivo, you can always rewind.

You already know this, but you can absorb a lot more information in 5 minutes of reading or even surfing than watching TV.

In other news, I revise my opinion–slightly–of “Supergirl” on Smallville. She has competent TV acting ability but hardly a rack, and her hair needs a major overhaul. C’mon, didn’t you know she was going to explode that melon all over Clark? And Lana still needs to die, for real. Make it turn out the idiot is a clone or something. For Kryp’s sakes there are now THREE lovely bitches who know Clark’s “secret”, four if you count Annette O’Toole (and I do).

Television sickness

Sunday, 7 October 2007

Father Time and my shit job conspired to bring me several days off in a row; I’ve wasted two of them ‘catching up’ on TV, most of it junk.  Mythbusters is a fun show, but it’s not going to help me get anywhere in life.  Neither is Family Guy, The Simpsons (hasn’t been funny for years), Kitchen Nightmares, Smallville, Futureweapons, shows about snipers and a few ultimate/combat “reality” shows which don’t teach shit.

 I haven’t watched a whole day of TV in years.  It’s worse than heroin; not even Tivo can organize it all and there’s so much crap by sheer volume a sleepless immortal couldn’t absorb a tenth of it.

 It is sickness.  I’ve got to break free of its evil.  Three hours of Mythbusters to go.