Snake Eyes 2021 (film review)

TL;DR Standard action thriller, only not thrilling and overly long. Grade: D

Snake Eyes IS G.I.Joe. Among fans he’s the first character they associcate with the franchise. He’s a badass ninja (commando) steeped in mystery (never speaks, is possibly hideously scarred.) His enemy/blood brother Storm Shadow is also a ninja working for EEBIL Cobra, but so popular they had him become a good guy for a time.

On to the movie: I appreciate they tried to tell a story with few gimmicks, aimed at the 80s audience, but it fails, mainly because the story’s internal logic is skewed. Also, you feel every minute of its two hour length, not good.

The guy playing Snake Eyes is just OK. Not the actor’s fault, but the movie ‘s Snake Eyes is one-dimensional and lacks the mystery and tragedy of the character, who deserved way better. Even worse, this Snake Eyes isn’t a hero and his stupid actions triggered tragedies which got a lot of people needlessly killed. By the end you feel bad for Storm Shadow, who gets fucked over.

They should’ve made the movie about Storm Shadow, since then we’d have some idea what the hell is the point of a modern ninja clan in present day Japan. Their existence is never explained. They seem pretty damned wealthy. What do they do for money? Do they work for the highest bidder? Who else knows they exist? How often do they recruit outsiders? The clan appears to be aware of Cobra’s existence as well as G.I. Joe’s, but doesn’t fight Cobra as a clan. They (have to) have a loose-leaf affiliation with the Joes for story reasons. (Scarlett is in this movie as a desexualized unstoppable Dollar Store version of Black Widow. Cobra’s Baroness also makes an appearance and is sort-of sexy, for a “terrorist.”)

One of the minor points and characters pissed me off the most. The ninja clan is led by an old Japanese woman we’ll call Granny Ninja (Granninja?) When the ninja clan’s castle is attacked, I assumed Granny would be killed and this would be the turning point of the movie. NOPE! In my foolish hopes for a good story, I forgot that all women in movies are now indestructable Mary Sues. Granny doesn’t die, but instead kicks ass. Because she survives, she’s around to screw Storm Shadow out of his inherited birthright to lead the clan over what can be construed as a technicality, one which would’ve saved many lives Granny’s in-place defense plans couldn’t.

Overall the action in Snake Eyes 2021 is ‘meh’ and never decides if it’s shooting for semi-realism or full-blown 80s ninja magic. For the story it told it didn’t have to be two hours long; there are other interesting characters whose backstories are never explored despite this long-ass run time.

I never expected Snake Eyes 2021 to be a masterpiece, but wasn’t expecting an incompetent, badly-written first draft of a film which made the hero an asshole. Fuck it.

The Commie Tech Titans

FROM LAST TIME:  Before I continue I’ll post this to see where we at.

So my last post before resuming here was on December 19, 2018.

Time between dates calculation

From and including: Wednesday, December 19, 2018
To and including: Saturday, January 4, 2020

Result: 382 days

It is 382 days from the start date to the end date, end date included.

Or 1 year, 17 days including the end date.

Or 12 months, 17 days including the end date.

 

That’s quite awhile.  

From my last post, made mere minutes ago:

I won’t be shutting this site down, if you can call it a site.  It’s practically a museum.  I wanted to post about how the internet has devolved into The Nothing from The NeverEnding Story.  

The reason I won’t be shutting it down is eventually the Commie Tech Titans will do it for me.  They are The Nothing.  The entire internet is shit now, it’s a TV that spies on you, reporting your entire life to advertisers, governments, government crooks and ordinary crooks, but most people don’t care about that.  We don’t notice so we don’t care. 

What’s “new” since 2016 is Commie Tech Titans shutting everything down.  They’ve gone from providing media platforms to policing content.

The twits at Twitter took it a step further.  If they don’t like something you’ve said or written anywhere, not just on Twitter, they will unperson or (as the kids say) ‘cancel’ you.  

It’s not just speech.  Paypal and crowdfunding sites and even some banks have followed suit, seizing assets and barring people from using their services for having unpopular, politically-incorrect opinions.  They’re like a club bouncer who follows you home.

What started this shitshow, or rather accelerated the digital Purge, was Trump being elected.  Globalist swine pooped their pantaloons as they witnessed the firepower of this fully armed and operational internet.  In some cavern while drinking the blood of infants, they decided to forever curtail the power of people connecting and speaking freely.  It’s a disgrace.

I’m out of the loop and don’t know if Turdpress has banned anyone based solely on content.  If it hasn’t happened already it will.

So that’s where we’re at.

This is the most writing I’ve done in awhile.

I’ve got two more Jeopardy! hotties in the que, one of zero reasons I decided to log in here after 12 months and 17 days, and then I’m done with that feature forever.  Standby.

 

Let your guard down and they change the layout

I’m back after a short-long hiatus from Meatlights, during which Turdpress apparently has been tinkering with their layouts.

I done been writing while away but the craptop I was using would overheat and shut off randomly, so I used that as an extra excuse not to post anything.

Now I’ve got a kickass new DELL machine. It’s terrifying. Fast. Vast. I didn’t necessarily want a new machine; tech-wise I’ve always only needed the writing-equivalent of a vehicle to make it 3 blocks to the 7-11…a moped or bicycle would have sufficed. Instead I now have the equivalent of a Stryker.

So far I don’t mind the Vista OS but it’s complicated: a frightened Hollywood forced the Winddurrs folks to put all kinds of copyright protection on DVDs read by Windurrs machines. Doesn’t affect me as I’m not big on burning music, and the best protection against theft of Hollywood product is that 99% of it is unwatchable shit.

Right now Vista isn’t selling too well but will eventually. Lots of privacy issues with it but then privacy is all but gone, not a “right” any more than gay “marriage” is a “right”.

In wealthier countries there’s a panoply of technological distractions to keep you from facing yourself and your own problems.

Hope you’ve enjoyed this one, ha ha ha.

Another reason turdpress will never be shitspace

I’ve spent the last 15 FUCKING minutes trying to add a FUCKING blogroll to the FUCKING blog.  It refuses to show the FUCKING thing even though the FUCKING links claim to be FUCKING added and I DON’T want to add FUCKING blogroll to the FUCKING categories list (though it’s too FUCKING late for that now).

Yet another reason why this FUCKING turdpress will never be as big as shitspace, where most functions are intuitive.