Posts Tagged ‘unrequited love’

Dear Stephanie Courtney (the exotic girl from the Progressive insurance commercials)

Wednesday, 8 October 2008

(I tried making this post “Private” because I felt like it. It didn’t work, people could still read it, [turdpress FTW!] so here it is, no different. Please worship Satan).

Dear Stephanie, (MAY I call you Stephanie)?

As your character “FLO” from the Progressive commercials gains notoriety, I’d like to say that I think you’re the spun sugar in cotton candy and remind you that all of your other male admirers are gay.

Only I see/saw through the FLO character’s heavy makeup, lipstick and stylish sex-hair to the ebullient soul that is You hiding within the role, swaying like a flower floating in ginger ale.

I just want you to know that if we ever meet really soon, and things went so great that we’re in my room playing strip chess, I’d never demand you dress as the FLO character as part of our bedroom role-playing, because that’s a little too forward right after getting your autograph. These things take time, like waiting for Mother to go out of town so we can have the house to ourselves, you and me, forever!

That said, I eagerly await the next Progressive commercial starring you as FLO, joyously hawking insurance, which everybody needs just like they need…love.



P.S. You’re so cute you shit kittens. Please find them a good home!

No politics, just love

Friday, 8 February 2008

The intarnets stopped my ranting rant (refused to load) so to hell with it, I took a shower, brushed my teeth and dropped science* instead.

All right, a few words about politics, then none.

There’s going to be another President soon. People will vote for the person who seems the most capable of leading the country in the direction they wish. Only half the people will get anything close to what they want in a Prez and NO ONE gets everything they want, since the absolute best people for the job NEVER run for office.

The only place my and your political opinion counts for something is the voting booth. I’ll worry about it then.

For now I’m not going to let any bureaucrat affect my choice to improve the quality of my life however I can. Unrequited love, poverty, self-doubt, defeat, I deal with enough crap just from my own mind.


* took a crap