Jeopardy!—We’re All Stars Now, in the GOAT Show

Saturday, 18 January 2020

The Jeopardy! folks fucked up.  Why in the hell would they run the GOAT show on another channel?  I had no idea it was on and missed all but the last 10 minutes of the first episode.  Caught the middle ep but not the last (final?) one, now saved on the box and waiting for Sunday.  I have my suspicions about who won.  You could be a dick and spoil it in the comments but there’d no payoff for you as I don’t care. 

I happened to be an avid watcher during Ken Jennings’ 2004 run.  Everyone was amazed and thrilled with the winning streak, less so, I think, with Ken himself.  A friend told me he saw an interview where Jennings referred to himself as a “genius,” and that was the end of Jennings for me.  (There are two things in life you cannot seriously call yourself, a genius and an old soul.)

Nothing much happened Jeopardy!wise until Holzhauer.  He, too, was thrilling.  At first.  Soon I became a ‘Holzhauer hater,’ not of him in real life but as his game show “character,” starting with his dubious claim of a career in sports betting.  I didn’t care for that weird non-smile of his either. 

As Holzhauer’s wins grew I suspected he was cheating, damned if I knew how.  It would be extremely unlikely but not impossible.  Maybe he makes it on his own for a week when a disgruntled clue writer makes him an offer: “Give me half your winnings and I’ll give you the categories/answers in advance.”  Maybe two of the buzzers aka signaling devices are rigged to misfire every 3 clicks.  Absurd?  Stranger things have happened.   

What is Jeopardy! really?  A memory recall game of factual data based on speed. Finally I admitted “Jeopardy James” (I hate that title) wasn’t cheating and was what he appeared to be: well-studied and able to accurately recall information faster than his opponents.  He seemed to have mastered the signaling device early on and his strategy of huge bets and sweeping the bottom row obviously worked.  He also got another advantage that had nothing to do with skill.  I could be imagining this, but didn’t regular shows have a long-assed pause for Teen Week or something?  That may have broken Holzhauer’s rhythm but given him plenty more time to study. Towards the end of his run I savored every answer he missed, especially the few he missed but I got.

Gradually I began to hate Holzhauer’s opponents almost as much as him. Even after the long Teen break, new contestants still seemed oblivious to whom they were going up against.  Their only hope was to rob His Smirkness of the Daily Doubles.  It was an evening of cathartic joy when that very thing happened and he was finally taken out by a one-hit-wonder woman, same as Jennings had.

I underestimated Holzahauer’s effect on the game itself, I thought he’d changed it forever, like the Fosbury flop changed the high jump.  But no, bozos still waste time reading the entire titles of categories instead of one key word.  They still don’t sweep the bottom row, even in categories they might be strong; rarely do they go big on bets except in dire straits.

I haven’t much to say about Rutter as I never heard of him or saw him compete before last year’s Tournament of Champions Group Orgy or whatever TF it was called.  Rutter won the most Jeopardy! money ever you say? Ha. That wasn’t going to save him during the GOAT show, and from what little I saw it did not. Still, I found myself rooting for Rutter, because he was the least unlikable.  Probably he’s  as arrogant as the other two, just able to hide it better. Being the least nerdy/most handsome of the GOATS I understand he parlayed his winnings into a career in Hollowood but have never seen him in anything else. Of the one and one-eighth shows I watched he was losing badly.

So did Jennings win? Last I saw he’d won two games to Holzy’s one and Rutter’s none.

I would be a smidge happier if Jennings won.  But not really.  

 

 

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Saturday, 18 January 2020

The Adorable Last

Wednesday, 8 January 2020

I christened the lovely Maryann Penzvalto the penultimate Jeopardy! hottie but meant penultimate not as a rank but merely as, “last but one in a series of things; second last.” 

This my final (as the Chinese might say) Jeopardy! Make Glorious Female to Celebrate Observatory Review.

 

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Psychology research indicates women choose kind, considerate, financially dependable fellows for marriage but long-haired, bad boy, roid-raging toughs for flings, aka fucking.

Men take a similar path. Hot, slutty thots with titties the size of blimps, shapely rumps and legs are for play while sensible, cute women with a pleasant personality are for marriage. 

Cute in this context is not just another adjective, it’s everything.

So, in the spirit of shallowness, allow to me to explain that for the long haul, Cute beats Hot every time.

“Hot” is a short-lived phase in any woman’s life.  Much of a hot woman’s time and energy is spent trying to maintain an impossible level of beauty even while at her peak.  Men fight for her attention like noisy seagulls chasing a french fry, trying anything and everything to win her favor. A hot woman hooked on this level of adulation is less likely to learn other life skills; this is where cute girls and women have a long game advantage.

More people agree on standards of beauty than cuteness, so cute women (and men) are often overlooked. This forces them to try harder and learn useful things.  A cute woman really has the ultimate advantage:  cuteness can last an entire lifetime with minimal maintenance.  It is the slow-and-steady-wins-the-race form of beauty. Cute women are capable of turning up the heat, glowing beautifully or sexily in short, precious bursts while hot women supernova and contract into a smaller star.  An older hot woman can never be cute, just compared to how hot she was “long ago.”

(Worry not, ladies, there are millions if not billions of men who will take anything they can get, some of whom are wealthy.)

Ben Franklin noted every woman has something going for them: butterfaces still take great pride in their bodies and women with neither outstanding faces nor bodies take pride in their skills and abilities. (Remember, the guy on our $100 note wrote that if you put a basket over an older woman’s head it’s just like fucking a young one, since age starts in the face and works its way down.)

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karen farrell grid photo

Jeopardy! winner Karen Farrell is the total cute package and marriage material. (Someone thought so, and already married her.) 

Farrell looks like actress Megan Boone, who plays Elizabeth Keen on The Blacklist, only Karen is far more adorable.  Tastefully hiding her wonderfully enormous endowments with overcoats, Karen also has the perfect smile and cheeks which were likely endlessly pinched as a kid (a veritable #metoo crime today.)

The combination of stage lighting as Karen described her new role as a stay-at-home mom to baby Elizabeth gave her a bright, golden aura.

It may have also cost her tonight’s game. Remembering her little one distracted Karen at a time the sharp-as-a-razor granny at the other end of the dais wasn’t taking prisoners. No matter, we’ll see Karen Farrell again during the next Jeopardy! Tournament of Champions.

Stay tuned.

 

 

The penultimate Jeopardy! hottie

Sunday, 5 January 2020

Do people even say “hottie” anymore? 

To kind of set the tone, or at least make my tribute mild by comparison.

I did not make this and Kirstin Cutts is NOT the one being celebrated here.  Cutts was cute, but let fame go to her chin.

While Cutts is attractive she is no…

Maryann Penzvalto

...Maryann Penzvalto

A librarian from Cleveland, Ohio, Maryann plays the ukelele (aka “uke”) , loves Harry Pottter (insert wand joke) and was on not one but TWO of America’s bestest game shows!

Though I had to have seen her on Jeops in 2018, I didn’t quite remember her, or was too lazy to write down her name at the time.

I really saw her for the first time on Wheel last year.

I remember it very vividly: she wore this orange blouse. It was the first time I ever saw her in a blouse like that. That orange blouse is burned in my memory.

Maryann Penzvalto wheel

 

Beauty should be celebrated and so should brains, if they fill out an orange blouse like that.  Yay!

 

Just uh…

Saturday, 4 January 2020

Have no idea when my last post published; one of the reasons I’m typing this one is to find out.  For me the Turdpress interface has always been clunky to use.  In the age of Twitter-Insta-podcasts it’s a damned dinosaur.  Who reads blogs anymore?  The world has moved on.

So much has changed, everywhere.  I’m a completely different person now, and I suspect you are as well.  Do you remember who you were 5 years ago?  Not details like your job or income, but you.  

I stumbled on some of my Jeopardy! posts.  Embarrassing.  The quality of the writing is adequate but the sentiments are just uh…

I won’t be shutting this site down, if you can call it a site.  It’s practically a museum.  I wanted to post about how the internet has devolved into The Nothing from The NeverEnding Story.  Before I continue I’ll post this to see where we at.

 

Holiday Horrors

Wednesday, 19 December 2018

DID YOU KNOW? “In 2013, a Black person was six times more likely than a non­-Black to commit murder, and 12 times more likely to murder someone of another race than to be murdered by someone of another race.

In 2013, of the approximately 660,000 crimes of interracial violence that involved Blacks and Whites, Blacks were the perpetrators 85 percent of the time. This meant a Black person was 27 times more likely to attack a White person than vice versa.”

Now that you have been made more aware of racial reality, we can focus on a crime which has attracted NATIONAL ATTENTION: the vandalizing of an inflatable Black Santa Claus!

Based on what we know of the history of balloon assassins, some liked to “leave a message” with a dramatic display of death while others, knowing all it takes is a single leak, used stealth. I’m no coroner, but I do watch many forensic TV shows, and it looks to me like Black Santa–a product no doubt made as cheaply as possible in China–ripped along one of its seams under the armpit.

murdered black santa closeup

 

The traumatized owner of Killed Kringle has another theory: TRUMP is behind it!

Murdered Black santa

Police, however, aren’t so sure.

“Washington County Sheriff’s deputies confirm they’re investigating the incident as vandalism, but are having trouble searching for suspects because of a lack of surveillance cameras.

They’re going to have a lot of trouble with suspects, first because most hate crimes are hoaxes, hoaxes which waste valuable police resources concluding with the non-White (or non-male) hoaxer rarely being charged. 

Attention Washington Detectives:  if no one found a sharpened carrot, it wasn’t Frosty the Snowman. Jack Frost’s MO doesn’t fit either, Black Santa’s wound is too ragged to be from one of Frost’s razor-sharp icicles. (Also, there’s no snow anywhere.)

While the murder of inflatable Black Santa made global headlines on Drudge Report (or at least reached The Sacbee all the way from Oregon) you have likely never heard of Amber Clark, a North Californian librarian murdered by a homeless Black man she’d asked to leave the library two months earlier for causing a disturbance.

Murdered Shay

Imagine the nerve of this HUWHITE woman, bursting with PRIVILEGE, asking a former slave to leave the warmth of the library where he was quietly studying quantum mechanics! She deserved to die. Even though she never said the n-word she most likely thought it. Unfortunately, our RAYSISS “justice” system–the same one which turned a blind eye to a slain inflatable Black Santa, is charging the alleged assailant with first degree murder.

We as Americans must get our priorities straight.  I don’t want to live in a country where TRUMP can order drone strikes on inflatable Black Santas–and Black slaves are barred from reading! 

A brief spike in traffic

Wednesday, 14 February 2018

For 3 days running I had over 100 views to the site, akin to a miracle.  I’m not that interesting, so it must’ve all been for recent Jeopardy! contestant Rachel Lindgren.

It’s my duty to warn you thirsty nerds AGAIN that smart women are not a solution to anything and being a sapiosexual is a road to nowhere.  If she’s smart while you’re enamored (subtract 25 IQ points for each boob and asscheek) you’re in QUADRUPLE the danger of being manipulated.  Not that I overly give a shit what happens to you, you’re probably better off than me.

I believe this blog is now 10 or 11 years old, which means little because I rarely posted after 2009, was it?  It has brought me neither joy nor grief, certainly no money or gavina.  I don’t read my own shit so I’ve forgotten most of it, except to remember impassioned movie reviews about Batman (pointless) or politics (far more pointless) and cussing out my wage slave job while doing nothing to improve my lot in life.

Two things happened in the last 5 years which changed the entire arc of my  inclinations, I got out of the shit job and I “discovered” whores.  Also, my father died  at 73 of natural causes, if you count lung cancer as natural.

The whores saved my life.  Once I was getting laid fairly regularly all the Mysteries of Womanhood evaporated, which was bittersweet, but poetry is either written out of your system or it burns you from the inside out like drinking bleach.  Poetry IS drinking bleach, usually for the reader. 

The women’s humanity made me less of a misogynist, and it even seemed a few of them enjoyed the ride beyond getting paid.  (I haven’t been laid in over a year due to health problems so that’s on pause.)

I’m closer to 50 than 40 now.  I’m not better than I was in 2006, but like to think I’ve learned much the last 10 or 11 years.  I wouldn’t trade my scant “life’s work” of writing for falling in love.   

Here are the final lines from a long ago poem.

I know it’s coming, death or a balloon.

The slitted eyes of a petted cat.

2018 Jeopardy! Sexbomb alert

Wednesday, 24 January 2018

Note from Jan 2020:  I’m surprised people still read this post and the other Jeopardy! women posts.  It’s pointless.  I know I’ve written it elsewhere but here it is again:  highly intelligent women are not the answer.  Sapiosexuals are probably a myth.  I don’t care about any of these women, they don’t exist anymore, just like the fool who wrote about them doesn’t exist anymore.  Enjoy!  

About a year ago I started watching Jeopardy! again.  On a good night I get maybe half the answers right, but those good nights are rare.  There are too many lakes and Canada questions, plus FUCK OPERA.

For a brief time years ago, I was cataloging Jeopardy! Sexbombs.  Not many, a few.  A commenter who knew one of the ladies suggested the contestant would not be flattered by my admiration of her ‘giant rack’, or words to that effect.  Also, I updated that post last year, regarding being a male sapiosexual and how it won’t help you.  I’m too lazy to look.

So: Rachel Lindgren:  

This unassuming 26-year-old ‘Fire Lookout’ from Bend, Oregon just does it for me.  She’s soft-spoken and incredibly sensuous, especially when she tilts her head ever-so-slightly.  Yeah, I’m smitten.

Plus I believe she has a somewhat rockin’ body under those schoolmarm sweaters.

I hope she makes it 5 days so we’ll see her again in the Champions thingy.

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CODA:  Well, Rach finally took a shit but made it to 5 days.  I don’t expect her to last more than a night during the Champions Week.  If there’s one thing Rach taught us, when you’re clueless about the Final, bet small and let your opponents trip over their dicks.  Is it a perfect stratagery?  Hardly, but it worked for her.  

 

HONORABLE JEPS! MENTION:  Flora Leen. Appeared One Night Only.  Bigguns, long dark hair, eyes.  Her kavorka was even more powerful than R’s.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Star Wars Crapisode VIII

Sunday, 26 November 2017

Well my nigs, if The Phantom Menace was a disastrous date with a beautiful stranger then The Force Awakens was date rape. After seeing the latter I was extra-pissed at having to buy the ticket in advance, in a theater with assigned seating. Never again.

If you’ve seen the trailer for The Last Jedi you already know it’s going to be a bad clone of The Empire Strikes Back. What gave it away? The snow fox, a still frame of a line of parked AT-ATs, and knowing Disney won’t take risks.

I don’t care about any of the characters, new or old. Rey is a poor replacement for Luke. Whether she turns evil or not makes no difference.

Hamill has said he entirely disagrees with the direction they took Luke. My guess is he won’t even leave Irish Island or wherever the fuck he’s hiding until Crapisode 9.

If Finn had been White, you would wonder what his character is even doing there. Same for the new X-wing pilot, who has scenes outside the cockpit yet is less memorable than Wedge or even Porkins.

The trailer also implies that Leia just stands in place on the bridge of a ship while her jug-eared, tantrum-throwing Vader-wannabe son locks missiles on her. TFA did nothing with her character, now she’s CG and it makes no difference.

Anyway, that’s that.