Posts Tagged ‘NBC’

Jimmy Smits is a OUTLAW. Why?

Saturday, 18 September 2010

I hit a new low watching the pilot of some POS NBC show called “Outlaw”.

The “writers” of this turd start off by having badboy Supreme Court Justice ??????????????????????????  Jimmy Smits get publicly lambasted by a hot putana from the ACLU.  The next scene the bitch is curled up on his couch after a no-doubt hard Smits hump.  Some hack  must’ve just rewatched the original Iron Man and thought, Shit, I’ve got no talent, I’ll just rip-off that Tony Stark fucks sassy reporter scene.

Jiminy Smits, as the most Conservative Supreme Court judge is “evil” while his late liberal activist father (photoshopped with RFK and Cesar Chavez) is, of course, “good”.  According to the Dad via flashbacks, here’s the reason why his son is a principled Conservative:  “He’s wrong.”  That’s it.  That’s the whole argument.  So Smits, shooting hoops alone and weeping during flashbacks, decides to resign from the Supreme Court—a lifetime job with large pay and fame—to become a shitheels moral-crusadey lawyer.  In terms of ambition that’s equivalent to Hugh Hefner leaving his Playbore empire to become a telemarketer.

I must be a masochist, breaking my long blog silence during which I’ve done other things to write this much about this awful excuse for a show.

Bail Organa Smits isn’t alone in (t)his stupidity.  His law team includes a dumb blonde liberal (talk about redundancy) in love with him, a tight-collared Conservative stereotyped kid, a Negro lawyer of indeterminate origin and a bisexual smartass cunt private eye.  Oh and a sexy GILF who runs the law firm Smits joins.  Of course the GILF claims she won’t fuck him, just so it’ll be SHOCKING three episodes from now when she does.

The first episode centers around a Hollywood Propagandized Negro in prison.  Unlike real prison Negroes, the HPN is an UNfairly sentenced-to-death gentleman who speaks the King’s English and wants only to marry his equally eloquent baby-mama.  He is an INNOCENT VICTIM of RACISM (though they don’t call it that) and at the end an old, decorated White cop is found Guilty instead.  Yaaay!

This ridiculous show is DOA and I’m glad. In the real world, a kenyan muslim occupies the White House and not one, but TWO unqualifed racist communist dumbfuck bitches are on the Supreme Court.  FUCK.  YOU.

Rape Whitney on Last Comic Standing

Saturday, 31 May 2008

One of the nice things about losing your mind is the new reality is funnier and more interesting than the regular.

I got halfway through an article called ‘How To Make a Bow Tie For Porn’ before snapping out of it. It didn’t read “porn” but “prom” (a spinning bowtie for porn would’ve been funnier).

I missed the first episode of Last Comic Standing but caught this week’s. They’re pomping the Hinda Pie-alot but hell, at least the ad is amusing. They put 10 comics (not all at once) in the passenger seat of the Hinda and all season long, you rate them online.

This week’s comic was Whitney Cummings, a name that’s porn-ready should she fail, except I swore the TV screen’s fine print read RAPE Whitney, not ‘rate’ Whitney. Either way: Winner!

The rest of LCS was meh. There are three red ticket-winning comics worth watching:

Cabbie Guy: I’ll know his name next week, but if you saw him you know who I’m talking about. The NYC cabbie “type” with the pancake English driving cap, cigar and fluffy muttonchops. He painfully referred to himself as a loser every time the camera was on him.

Bob Biggerstaff: porn-ready name but a fat guy with glasses. Funnier than Drew Carey but we’ll see. Last year he didn’t get a ticket.

Andi Smith: made it last year to final 20 or 10. I have a crush on the gawky-tall, pale, pony-tailed, caustic redhead with a wide mouth. I don’t think she can ever win LCS because she’s a gawky-tall, pale, pony-tailed, caustic redhead with a wide mouth. But she’s on TV, getting the SMITH name out there in the world. What’s great about a woman like that is while you’re having sex with her you’re fantasizing about talking to her afterward and laughing. You can’t say that about 99.99% of women.

A lot of these damned comics are perfect for who they are and what they do; the problem isn’t them but the nature of a comedic competition for the crowd’s love. Comics are mirrors and pretty people are lust objects; people would rather look at lust objects than in mirrors.

One more thing: not to give riceburning cars any more face time here at meatlights, but a second commercial airing during LCS shows the Hinda Pie-alot encountering a prematurely-landed air balloon lying across the road with an old naked White guy in the basket.

When a second White guy pops up (what was he doing below eye level?) the First Commandment of Politically Correct Television is invoked and an old Black Token pops up at the same time as WG2 and unnecessarily explains, “We’re nudists.”

I find this Black tokenism patronizing. And it’s everywhere! I can’t even watch American History X without a Black guy getting in the way (stomp stomp).